Christmas Gift Ideas for People You Don’t Like

Tis the season to buy gifts for other people … and if you just have to give a gift to someone you don’t LIKE, then here are some practical and economizing ideas that won’t bankrupt your wallet and it just might give you an orgasmic feeling …

For the person who just won’t shut up …

DUCT TAPE … let’s see ’em mouth off now …

Wikimedia Commons – Ktttest

For the big complainer …

email them a link to FML … misery loves company


For the baker who thinks their pie is the best …

Tell them what you really think of their baking skills

Wikimedia Commons – Seth Lemmons

For those highfalutin relatives who think their poop don’t stink…

give them something to “poop” about and put a lot of Dulcolax in their mashed tatters.

For that cheating schlongΒ …

Weed Whacker — if he plants his schlong in other “gardens” then it should be treated like an unwanted plant … so whack away!!!!

Wikimedia Commons – Kaffeekasse

The great thing about these gifts is that you don’t even have to wrap them, but there is some “administration” involved.

These suggestions might not give holiday cheer to the receiver, but it sure will bring a bright smile to your face.

Happy Giving πŸ™‚

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Β© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

74 Responses to Christmas Gift Ideas for People You Don’t Like

  1. I have always wanted to be custard pied like that. I am fascinated about how that stuff tastes.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Custard pie is delicious, but I know someone who was “Pumpkin Pied” once and she said it hurt like the dickens!!!!!

      • I haven’t heard anyone say “…the Dickens” since a part-time teacher stood up in class and shouted “what the Dickens?!?” at me because I was tapping my pen on the table really loudly.

        It was in 1995 or so and it was jolly funny.


        • Lafemmeroar says:

          I was a “part-time” teacher eons ago… πŸ™‚

  2. Cinnamon says:

    I wonder if I can buy this stuff by the CASE? LOL

    Thanks for the chuckle

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Hi Cinnamon! Maybe the duct tape πŸ™‚

  3. egerardis says:

    Girl, you rock!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Aw thank you. My noodle rattles like a broken vibrator though … πŸ™‚

  4. Download a comic driver license and paste in their name. Give because they drive you crazy.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol Carl!!! πŸ™‚

  5. totsymae1011 says:

    Don’t you just hate it when somebody brags about their food and it really sucks? People need to be very careful about complimenting themselves.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      So true … self-deprecation is a very attractive quality then πŸ™‚

  6. El Guapo says:

    Thought I’d see the Christmas spirit at some point.
    Festive. Very festive! (for a value of festive that involves drinking cardboard containers of egg nog in an ER).

    Also, why no suggestion to leave your kids for the holidays with someone who says parenting isn;t a real job?

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol Guapo! I thought that it was devilishly festive myself. And good idea on the kids for holidays suggestion … now that’s a gift they’ll remember in their nightmares πŸ™‚

  7. Sabina Brave says:

    I’m not so brave πŸ˜‰

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      But one can dream about it right? πŸ™‚

  8. Shonnie says:

    noodle roni girl!!!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I sure am Shonnie πŸ™‚

  9. mysterycoach says:

    hahaha! πŸ™‚ that’s funny. :mrgreen:

  10. This is the link.

  11. These gift ideas are much better than a bag of coal. I also like leaving your kids with someone else for the holidays. Wish I’d thought of that one years ago!

  12. Viciously Sweet says:

    I wanted to get everyone a picture of me dressed like 1990s Paula Abdul, with DJ Scat Cat and sign it forever your girl… but the dulcolax will work.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      LMAO VICIOUS!!!!!!

  13. I’d like to meet an administrator of any of these. Just to pick their brain. And hopefully stay on their good side…

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Nice to meet you Future πŸ™‚

  14. Raine says:


    Arrogant people. A noose so they can hang off a cliff.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Again … good one Raine πŸ™‚

  15. Amor24 says:

    Weed wacker, Dulcolax! LMAO!! You are something else. I know a few people that I could get the Dulcolax for. Thank you Lafemme. You’re a lifesaver πŸ™‚

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Aw you’re always very welcome Amor. πŸ™‚

  16. Oh I am so glad to have these options. I have been in such a quandry. I like the weedwhacker – actually could have used it last year…..Ducolax – Im giving it to my …shhh it’s a secret and the gift that will keep giving for awhile huh….OH you are clever and it’s downright admirable this list. I feel an evil laugh coming on ….or at least a little steam letting out. Thanks I am glad we are in the same club – oh clubs lol.
    πŸ™‚ Peace & ummm Goodwill? (snicker)
    oh wait that is goodwill to you….but after that yeah.

    Dropping the kids off somewhere, oh that would be sheer joy for the recipient of that gift from me …Good one

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Crazy Chicks “administer” their own brand of goodwill πŸ™‚

  17. SilentMyth says:

    I think I’ll go get some duct tape. Thank you lafemmeroar =D

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You’re welcome Silent πŸ™‚

  18. —-that weed wacker would work for pediphiles, as well. xx

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Absolutely Kim πŸ™‚

  19. nicole says:

    for those who i dislike but am required to gift, i will get a donation in their name to my favourite charity! it really ticked ’em off last year, i could tell! πŸ˜‰ x

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      What charity did you donate to? πŸ™‚

  20. Hysterical! Thanks for the great gift ideas! πŸ™‚

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You’re welcome. Glad that I can still make readers laugh … been suffering from a dry spell lately.

  21. magsx2 says:

    All fantastic suggestions, but I really at to laugh at the Dilcolax. πŸ˜†

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Hi Mags,

      I bet Dulcolax receivers wouldn’t be cringing on the porcelain pot though πŸ™‚

  22. alanschuyler says:

    Well this completes my Christmas shopping. And you managed to get schlong into the post. Bonus!!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh Alan, schlongisms is going to be a regular feature on my blog πŸ™‚

  23. That’s the way to go!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks πŸ™‚

  24. Phil says:

    Memo to self: Do NOT wind up on Lafemme’s naughty list for Christmas…

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Or the naughty schlong’s club … Now the Bad Ass Schlongs Dudes is just fine πŸ™‚

      • Phil says:

        Maybe naughty isn’t the right term, because in a consenting relationship, naughty can be quite nice. Bad-ass even… πŸ˜€

  25. Brittany says:

    Bahahahaha love this. The schlong whacker is genius.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks Brittany … glad to see you here again πŸ™‚

  26. Lol great ideas indeed! Your posts always make me laugh πŸ™‚

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      That’s what I love to hear Evil πŸ™‚ What a great way to kick start my weekend πŸ™‚

  27. missmoots says:

    LOL…this is hilarious!!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Glad it made you laugh πŸ™‚

  28. Lisa Taylor says:

    Hehe very cute post! Thanks for stopping by my blog πŸ™‚


    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Hi Lisa,

      Glad you liked it and come visit me anytime πŸ™‚

  29. jennygoth says:

    hope im not on your pressie list lol have a lovely xmas xxjen

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You are on my good list and lots of crazy chick best wishes are shared your way … πŸ™‚

  30. lorrelee1970 says:

    Great ideas.

    I think a clone of themselves would annoy the crap out of them.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      If they can clone a sheep, then why not a biped. πŸ™‚ Great idea Lorrelee!

  31. Funny pictures and ideas. If there is someone who is on the south-side of my good-side, I smile sweetly at them. Drives them nuts, because they wonder what I know or what I’m up to. If only they knew I’m not a devious person at all–I just smile a lot! πŸ˜‰

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Lorna … I think you’re devilish with a sweet smile … I love it. I mean look at your profile pic. You look so “innocent.” πŸ™‚ But still waters run deep … like a diabolical abyss (I mean that in the sweetest way) πŸ™‚

  32. Why you women always gotta pull out the weed wacker card! Now my junk wont be able to sleep tonight. How would you like it if i dust off the iron chastity belt, Ha – not so funny now is it!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Rest assured Pete … “my schlong whacker” doesn’t have your name on it πŸ™‚ Sleep tight … πŸ™‚

  33. I nominated you for The Versatile Blogger Award!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thank you. I’m honored πŸ™‚ Looks like I’m going to have a really good Christmas πŸ™‚

  34. Zoe @ Pantry and Fridge says:

    Haha, great ideas. I would like to get my sister the duct tape. πŸ™‚
    Sorry, I’ve been under the weather so was laying low! Have a lot of posts to catch up on.
    Happy Holidays, Femme πŸ™‚

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol on the duct tape for sis… πŸ™‚ I’ve been MIA as well. Busy with holidays, knitting and baking. πŸ™‚ I’ve got an awesome recipe for nutty macaroons that I’d love to share with you πŸ™‚

  35. All you have to do is put poop in a post and I will like it.

    Well done.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You have such a dirty mind Brain … luv it πŸ™‚

  36. renxkyoko says:

    Ahahaha ! Love this ! I LOLed so much.

    Happy Holidays, Lafemmeroar !

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      And happy holidays to you as well Ren … I expect you’ll be partaking on lots of food this Saturday as I will πŸ™‚ I’m on a knitting and baking frenzy and I’ve decided to make ice cream cake cupcakes. πŸ™‚

  37. adalamar says:

    LOVE this post! I laughed so hard my drink came out of my nose! I love the duct tape and the weed whacker. There are so many people I could have bought those for. πŸ™‚

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thank you for finding my blog … sorry that the chuckle cause the “DON” (drink out of nose) OUCH but I’m glad you liked the post πŸ™‚

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