I Touch Myself

Ever had an out-of-body experience when you feel the bliss of solitude in a room full of people?

I was standing in line at the post office yesterday and out of boredom I started singing this song.

The woman in front of me disrupted my moment when she turned around and looked at me with a disgusted look on her face.

So I smiled at her and said “I’m only singing about it, but I wish I were doing it.”

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

60 Responses to I Touch Myself

  1. magsx2 says:

    Hi,
    Oh I wish I had of been there to see that, Brilliant. 😀
    Loved the video.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      It’s one of those songs that stuck with me throughout the years. Wonder why? … 🙂

  2. Seems like you touched a nerve

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I bet she wished the same thing, but she was in denial. Self “love” is a healthy form of self-esteem. 🙂

  3. Bodhirose says:

    What was HER problem??? 😀

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Maybe she didn’t like my voice … 🙂

  4. HaahAaa,

    Did you really say that? I love it!! X

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Yup 🙂

  5. Hahahahaha I LOVE it! You ROCK!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks Lizzie 🙂

  6. Brittany says:

    She knows she wanted to be doing it too.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol Brittany … yeah 🙂

  7. Love it. One of the teenagers that I worked with found that song on youtube and played it at work, poor teenagers were all shocked to know us older ladies knew all the words. 😀

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lmao!!!!!!! I was just thinking how much I loved that song and how old the song actually is! I think it stands well over time … who do you think could do a remake of that song? Gaga maybe? I’d like to see her get up when she’s touching herself …

  8. totsymae1011 says:

    Did you really say that? Gee, I can’t take you anywhere. 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol Totsy … boredom can make one sing and say lots of things 🙂

  9. Some people just have no sense of haha. Usually the ones that don’t touch themselves. I love your quick wit I usually think of some witty retort 1/2 an hour later.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You are right Lady … touching one’s self lets one appreciate pleasure and lightness.

  10. viv says:

    Oh Lord! 😀 I would have loved to see the look on her face

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      She just turned around … but like I said she sort of looked disgusted or maybe it was a sour look she had. Who knows, maybe she just had some stomach problems … 🙂

      • viv says:

        Or maybe she was smelling something bad 😀

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          lol hope if wasn’t me … I took a bath that day 😛

  11. veehcirra says:

    Gosh, girl how loudly were you singing? 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I was just singing to myself …

  12. Patti Kuche says:

    Nothing to do with you and your happy squirts and everything to do with the Post Office which is paradise for bitter, twisted women of a certain age doing their lemon squirts. Doesn’t matter what you do, let alone sing, it is Pick-A-Fight-Central! Great song by the way!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Isn’t it a great song? Yeah the post office is such a depressing place. People need to be there, but they don’t really want to … it’s like the dentist’s office.

  13. I would loved to have been there. I have gathered quite a good collection of dissaproving looks in my tme and I treasure the memory of each of them

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I have a way of saying things with a smile on my face. Some people don’t know if they’ve been insulted or flattered …
      Love your attitude about the disapproving looks 🙂

  14. People need to watch more musicals where people break out into song all the time.

    Loved your come-back! 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Maybe she’d like “Cabaret” 🙂

  15. I think she wanted to touch herself but didn’t want to copy.
    Her eyeing you may have been to see if you were going
    to do it differently. LOLOL

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Lol Isadora! I guess she gave me that nasty look of envy.

      • For sure … ~~~~ : – )

  16. There was a period of time when I loved to sing songs when it was just me and another person in an elevator. My favorite was “I Wanna F*** You Like an Animal” by Nine Inch Nails.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      OMG imagine if I sang that at the post office? Hmmmm…….????????

      • El Guapo says:

        Or F**k Like A Beast by Wasp!

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          OMG, I don’t know that song, but that is definitely worth an exorcist-like turn of the head.

  17. that would work for some in a line of people for some of us……yuck

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Would it go down better with a little bar-be-cue sauce? 🙂

  18. El Guapo says:

    Wait – What was her reaction when you said that?!?
    Please tell me hr head exploded!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I said it with a smile on my face and my voice is rather sort of “innocent” … she didn’t cuss me out or anything like that. Nothing was said, but she just turned back around, but I imagine that she was mumbling something to herself. Or, singing her own song … “I’ve Got a Cork Up My Bum” by the Prunes.

  19. deDeurs says:

    Are you out of your mind?! You don’t want to end up with a sex offender slap! I know of a Dutch expat who almost got jailed because he let his daughter go topless in his garden, which his neighbor could SEE (hanging by his toenails from the roofgutter but that’s irrelevant). Daughter was whoring around in a tub, frantically masturbating with her rubber ducky, and a shamelessly voluptuous three year old she was!

    I think some Americans are a bit scary.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Had to read your comment twice before I got it through my sticky noodle the thickness of your sarcasm. And I do hope it was sarcasm 🙂 Anywho … it was she who offended my sex thoughts. Here I was minding my own business singing to myself and she interrupted my moment.

      • deDeurs says:

        Of course. I have no reason to bash the lafemmeroar site. You should see my Planet Pharisaica blog. I nuke whole countries, there.
        The problem is that I don’t use smileys. Love the silly little faces, but simply don’t use them myself. So the reaction is sometimes, is he serious? Is he a bird? A plane? Supergoof?

        The neighbor story comes from my sister who, decades ago, lived in Frisco for a couple of years. There she met the father of the little sexpot. It started my interest in WTF-stories, and the first one I put on Internet was about an American judge who got caught in court sittings playing with a penis pump. Europeans have a standard expression for such news items: ‘…Only in America!’
        Ever since, I could write a book about America. But I need more. Is it true? Are all Yanks addicted to Peptol and dressed like Disney characters? The virginal ones? Is Chuck Norris gay but never on Sunday? Has Callista Gingrich real buttons for eyes? Tell me, tell me!

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          All I can tell you is that I love touching myself … lol It’s all good here’s a smiley for ya 🙂

  20. deDeurs says:

    Say, why did they chose lovely Julia Roberts for the role of the evil queen in the Snow White remake? Callista would have been unforgettable! Kids freak out completely! They’ll eat their turnips and keep their room tidied up for the rest of their lives, haha.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I don’t know 🙂

  21. deDeurs says:

    I’ve gone quite offtopic now, sorry.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      No worries … I appreciate lively commenting 🙂 You are welcome to liven things up here anytime …

      • deDeurs says:

        Can you imagine that I’m 63? ‘No! ‘Yes. ‘Nooooo!’ Yes.
        So, the less time I have left on this earth, the livelier I become. They’ll have to nail, solder and weld the lid on my casket.
        Don’t miss my latest post on Planet Artz. It’s a scandalous, blatant promo for Sex with Dwarfs. A subject nobody even dares fantasize about. I WRITE about it.

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          What prompted your fascination with dwarfs?

          • deDeurs says:

            Dwarfs are part of my blog survey through Fantasy & Sword & Sorcery, of course. But I stumbled upon the story of Di Medici court jester Nano Morgante, and I was so moved. And ANGRY. The most kind and intelligent man, forced to fight naked with monkeys to entertain the court. I know, it happened a long time ago, but nevertheless.
            And in a more contemporary way: I find dwarfs sexy.
            There, I said it.
            I’m a godless freak! I’ll never get invited by First Lady Callista for her White House parties! Help me!

            • Lafemmeroar says:

              I say the freakier the better. 🙂

  22. Chessie says:

    Some people can be so damn touchy,…ha!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You said it! And I bet they can’t ever bring themselves to a happy ending …

      • Chessie says:

        What a shame! Happy endings are so delightful 🙂

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          I had one later that day 🙂

          • Chessie says:

            LOL everyday is a delightful, happy ending day for me! With or without my boyfriend!

            • Lafemmeroar says:

              Love your attitude!

              • Chessie says:

                Thanks. It’s all because I touch myself 🙂

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