What men really mean
April 21, 2012 62 Comments
Wonder no more. I’m here to give you the 101:
A man who criticizes the size of a woman’s ass is actually criticizing the shortcomings of his schlong.
A man who says “I can do better than you” is actually saying “I’m not good enough for you.”
When he says “I think we should see other people” what he means is that he wants to catch an STD, but he doesn’t want to give it to you.
When you see “your new guy” in an awkward moment and he shrugs you off by saying “I’ll call you later,” he actually means “good-bye and have a nice life.”
When you constantly complain about having to throw out the trash and he remains quiet and unresponsive, it’s because he’s afraid you’re talking about him.
When your date’s eyeballs are glued to the football game on the flat screen, he’s actually fantasizing about being in the middle of a bunch of guys bumping and
humping jumping on each other.
If he tells you “Oh baby, forgive me I’ll never do it again,” what he really means is that he’ll be doubly sneaky the next time he commits the transgression.
When a man walks into a bar acting like “he’s the shit” – it’s true. That guy has a perpetual hershey highway tracking his drawers.
When you meet a man who is extremely homophobic, that’s because he’s in extreme denial of his own “schlong desire.”
When you see a middle-aged man in a sports car that’s because the only way he can ride a hot piece of ass is by riding in a hot hunk of metal.
When he tells you that the chick he’s been constantly texting and calling is just “a friend,” he’s omitting two very important words “WITH BENEFITS.”
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