Proud to be a Bitch

Angry chick

One of my first posts on WordPress when I still ate ice cream …  

Ever been called a bitch and felt insulted?

I just got home from the grocery store where I was “debating” with an obstinate cashier over the price of Haagen Dazs Coffee ice cream. I told him that it was two for five dollars and he claimed that it wasn’t. So the cashier sent the bagger to do a price check. While we were waiting, the man behind me insisted that I should let him go ahead of me in line since he only had one item, a big bottle of Jim Beam. His breath stank of alcohol and he smelled beyond ripe.

Since I did have a cart full of groceries, I was about to let him pass. But when he remarked that I had held up the line for a food item that I didn’t really need anyway, I stood my ground and didn’t move an inch. The nerve of this short and stout idiot who looked like Sponge-Bob in dirty jeans and t-shirt.

Then he uttered the word. The word that triggered my inner assertiveness and reminded me that I am a:

BITCH: Bold Intelligent and Tantalizingly Curvaceous Heroic woman who stands her ground.

I said that if he were in such a hurry to buy his liver killer, then he can go to the liquor store next door. Bitch he said again. Then I called him a DAD and he said huh and I said you are a Disgusting Alcoholic Dumbo.

It turns out that I was right about the Hagen Dazs so I told the cashier to wait because I was going back for two more tubs. After I paid for my groceries, I asked for an escort out because I feared for my safety. I was afraid that the angry alcoholic would accost me on my way to my car.  Then I commented that should they really be selling alcohol to someone who is clearly (at least in my estimation) drunk? I don’t know if the DAD got his Jim Beam, but I certainly got a lot of satisfaction in that exchange.

In honor of all bitches out there just like me, here’s a song for you by Meredith Brooks.

Bitchilly yours,

Lafemmeroar

© 2011 Lafemmeroar


About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

33 Responses to Proud to be a Bitch

  1. kdaddy23 says:

    See, a sista would have been in there ready to kick his ass into the next zip code for calling her that…

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Well … I’m a different kind of “sista” besides I’d never be the first one to strike in anything … tooooo many legal implications for that. Now if they strike first … then I’ve got every right to whack their schlong or whatever body part my weapon of choice dismembers first. 🙂

  2. Christy Davis says:

    Such a cute story, thanks for sharing!
    Your fellow, B.I.T.C.H.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You’re welcome B.I.T.CH! 🙂

  3. Mizz says:

    Bravo!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      thank you Mizz! 🙂

  4. unfortunate, video content is blocked. Bitch? I am the ultimate! QBG, it is my personalized license plate, it is part of my blog name; it is me. Don’t know what it is? Ask me.

    He, the DAD was a fool and deserved only this in response. Smile sweetly and say, “Yes, thank you.”

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Yes … being called a BITCH can be the ultimate complement! 🙂

  5. Cinnamon says:

    It literally has been years since I heard that song (all the way through anyway). It’s a great song, but when I owned my gay bar in Georgia the drag queens would “do” that song until my ears bled and I thought I’d never get all the glitter off the floors !

    Sometimes, it feels good to not only be right, but to put assholes in their place……behind the BITCH.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Well … I certainly “feared” for my safety … and I bet he “feared” going to the clink in case he started any trouble. I’m a peaceful person … 🙂

  6. This song has done my heart good! Mathair always taught me, if a man calls me that, it’s because he’s intimidated by me and can’t step up to meet the challenge. Love that you went back for two more tubs, and coffee flavored desserts are my fave too. Great post. 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I love the song as well … I find myself humming it often … even after all these years …

  7. Good for you!!!!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks Diana 🙂

  8. WOW, that dude was a jerk…thus he got what he deserved.

    “”Bitch”” can def be a positive word, especiially in your case. Xxxx

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Agreed Kim! 🙂

  9. ladywithatruck says:

    I don’t know that telling the truth can be considered being a bitch………….just honest. but I like your definition of bitch anyway and DAD!! love the way you operate you crazy chick!!
    hugs
    Carrie

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Carrie! I have my moments of crazy awesomeness … as all crazy chicks do … that’s why we need to stick together 🙂

  10. I wish I’d been there.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Me too … so you can help me carry the tubs of ice cream 🙂

  11. That and the “c” word……no guy should ever use…..

    Fear is not a good thing

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You know it Joe …. 🙂

      • I may be fat…not stupid….

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          Oh you’re an Einstein Joe! 🙂

  12. Bodhirose says:

    This had me actually chuckling out loud! Hahaha…I LOVE that you actually went back for two more tubs…hehehe….(more chuckling). Yeah, that word triggers something deep in me and I hate that C word too but I love your definition. That guy was a jerk but what can you expect from a pickled noodle? Yay for you! 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Gayle … you’re not the only one who loved the idea that I went back for two more tubs of coffee ice cream … hell they were one sale … this is one of my firsts posts and although I haven’t had coffee ice cream in a long time … I will always remember fondly the orgasmic burst of flavor that danced in my mouth with every spoonful. 🙂

  13. renxkyoko says:

    She should have talked to you first before the cashier started ringing your purchases…. in fact, everytime I see a person with only one item, I voluntarily let him/her go first. because it’s logical and makes sense. But not when you are already in the middle of it. Bravo ! You stood your ground.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh this person was not of clear mind … I can tell by the stench of the booze! 🙂

  14. renxkyoko says:

    I mean, * he *

  15. Did you get any Jim Beam ice cream ?

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      they can’t make that one taste as good as coffee! 🙂

  16. Phil Gayle_For Singles and Couples says:

    Would you say you’re a lot calmer now that you know longer eat ice cream? lol!
    As for the term bitch…I’ve only ever been comfortable using it in the right context..never aimed at females.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I stopped eating it … then I sort of came back to tasting it … but I’ve given up on the tubs … now if I have coffee I’ll just have a spoon … and no I’m not using a ladle .. I mean teaspoon … a heaping teaspoon but still a teaspoon lolololol

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