Love, Betrayal and Venereal Disease over Cocktails

February 27, 2013 44 Comments

Screen Shot 2011-10-04 at 11.25.58 PMI had drinks with two friends from high school “E” and “N” the other day. After a round of drinks the talk as always, when three crazy chicks get together, got into relationships. Since my love life is as dry as the Sahara desert on a drought and “N‘s” been married forever, which is why she’s more interested in tech gadgets these days, the conversation turned to “E‘s” love life. Here’s the DL.

She dated this guy who gave her his email password so she can check on their hotel reservations for an upcoming vacation. First of all SCHLONGS never give a chick your password unless you REALLY have nothing to hide. Well … so what’s a girl to do with all access to her boyfriend’s email? Well …

“SNOOPYMAIL” of course”

So, she found out that some “random” chick (most likely a PORN BOT!–you know what I mean) emailed him and the doofus responded with an EPIC email of his own — telling her his life story and asking her some very personal questions and insisting she send him a pic.  And since this guy isn’t all that well endowed in the NOODLE department, the missive must have have put a strain on his teeny weeny gray cells.

So she confronted him about it and when she asked him why he did that, guess what he said?

Screen shot 2011-05-23 at 11.24.56 AMI DON’T KNOW.

YUP! Told you he had an empty noggin. Anyway, after a long talk … and again who knows how much of what she said actually sunk into his noodle –they eventually broke up.  But my girlfriend is resilient. After a bit of a cry and some cocktails, she dusted herself off and went back into dating. This time she signed up on Match.com. She met this cute guy … I can confirm … she showed me his Facebook profile. After three dates, he confessed that he had … guess what?

CHLAMYDIA!

I gasped, then I gave her a did you do it with him look … then she pinched me and said no. I was just checking … after all … if it was true love not even an STD can hold two people back from becoming “as one“, but it was not meant to be for they are now “less one” but they’re still friends on Facebook.

What’s the point of all this?

Well … I have to say that I really respect “E” for never giving up on finding “the one.” Then I thought … have I given up? I mean I say I haven’t but is that really true? I have thoughts, desires and fantasies about finding “the one.” And perhaps the reason I haven’t found “him” is because of “ME.” So driving home after dinner and glad that I didn’t have another cocktail so my head is clear enough to reflect … I have concluded that I am on my own Crazy Chick LalaLand. I have idealistic expectations and people being human just can’t live up to that. Then my noodle wandered back to thoughts of “N” the married chick. She had told “E” that perhaps she should have given “chlamydia guy” a chance. He was nice, good looking, had a job and that she could have worked around the chlamydia situation. I don’t know much about the “C” word, but what I got out of this is that “N” being married and all had a totally different perspective about it. She would have been willing to “work around” the situation, whereas the single and still looking “E” was not.

Is that the secret then? Are married people more apt to “work around” certain deal breakers? Is that the secret to sustaining relationships? I don’t know. I’d like to know. If you have any answers I’d like to hear them.

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© 2013 Lafemmeroar

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About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

44 Responses to Love, Betrayal and Venereal Disease over Cocktails

  1. ladywithatruck says:
    February 27, 2013 at 10:22 pm

    In my opinion; and I’m sure you knew I’d have one :), “working around” deal breakers early in the relationship leads to more deal breakers and once the boundaries get blurry a person can end up living a life of comprimise, always feeling uneasy because they aren’t being true to themselves.
    What a person considers to be a deal breaker is an individual thing. As for the “C” word, I don’t know that much about it myself. I gather its a gift that keeps on giving.

    I give the guy cudo’s for his honesty and feel sorry for him being stuck with this baggage that he probably got from someone who didn’t value honesty as much as he does but he would have to be pretty awesome for me to “work around” it and on the 3rd date how do you know he’s truly awesome at all.

    But then I am 55 and very single so maybe I’m not the one to ask.

    Great post!

    Reply
    • Lafemmeroar says:
      March 5, 2013 at 9:32 pm

      My dear Lady … your comment got lost and I apologize for just now getting to it. I also give the guy kudos and yes “C” is curable (now I know), but for my gf it was a deal breaker. You know I don’t mind being single but I’d sure like someone to spend time with. I mean the idea of putting my head on someone’s shoulder is a really attractive thought to me right now. Hell, perhaps I’m just yapping because it’s sort of late and I plan on doing an all nighter because I’m behind on some work. The last couple of weeks has been really great blog wise. I’ve received so many comments from readers and they all just like you have so much to share. My life really is better thanks to my readers and the Crazy Chicks. We do all need to stick together especially in certain moments when the solitude of night can make our emotions vulnerable. Thanks for always being there Carrie! You’re the best.

      Reply
      • ladywithatruck says:
        March 5, 2013 at 11:32 pm

        Lafemme, I truly don’t know what I would have done some days if not for the people like you I’ve met through blogging. Always words of encouragement and positive reinforcement. I consider it an honor to be a crazy chick. Now if a guy rolls eyes and says,”You know, you are one crazy chick”.
        I’ll say,”Damned right I am and proud of it”.
        Its is you and a few other crazy chicks:like Lizzie, My Inner Chick who gave me the courage to speak my mind. You created a monster!! Lol

        You know I have to admit I love having a shoulder to rest my head on, a kiss good night, the random phone call in the middle of the day just to see how your day is going. Hearing some one say, “I love you” and saying it back, having someone to find the perfect gift for. I do miss it but I “worked around issues” in order to have those things for 10 yrs.

        I hope I never do that again.

        I have to be suspicious of a guy who has a curable std and doesn’t cure it! But instead “confesses” to a woman he barely knows. Something is fishy there. Me thinks there is more that the guy isn’t saying.

        Love ya Lafemme, of course I’ll always be here, lurking. Lol

        Reply
        • Lafemmeroar says:
          March 5, 2013 at 11:35 pm

          Luv ya too! We are so alike in so many ways … yet … I know we are individuals … we share the desires … the yearning for love, but I know that there is only unconditional love for children … for romantic love … I believe really is a luxury and not necessarily a right. Keep lurking and I’ll do the same 🙂

          Reply
  2. kdaddy23 says:
    February 27, 2013 at 10:22 pm

    Married people don’t have to worry so much about deal breakers since they’ve already sealed the deal to begin with; after that, it’s all about forgiveness if and when it’s called for. Single folks, though, are looking to make the deal and in my experiences, it doesn’t take a whole lot for what appears to be a good deal to go right down the drain. Yeah, the confession of an STD is a definite deal breaker… but the one the guy had is treatable and curable so why not give him a chance once he’s proven to be clean once again? He’s learned something and, in fact, “E” could learn something as well, like, making sure she’s got a clean bill of health because something she doesn’t know about could be a deal-breaker as well.

    Just saying…

    Anyway, there are a lot of pieces that go with having a successful and long-lasting relationship and being able to work around whatever problems come up is essential and the key is both people have to be (1) committed to the continuation and prosperity of the relationship and (2) committed to working together to resolve the issues that might threaten #1.

    Single folks are looking for specific criteria and qualifications and can be rather picky in that regard; if anything falls out of spec, the deal’s off, right? An interesting question is: Does it make sense to break a deal over something that could have been worked on and fixed?

    Reply
  3. whatasillygirl says:
    February 28, 2013 at 12:02 am

    Wait, chlamydia is curable. Why did he bring it up at all? All he needs are some high potency antibiotics! (Not that I blame her. When I found out my last guy had it I ran all the way to the doctor. Thankfully HE was the only diseased one!)

    Reply
  4. Storm says:
    February 28, 2013 at 1:57 am

    I guess working around certain deal breakers, like, he plays 10 hours of video games a day on weekends is okay….but a STD….that stays with you forever. no working around that. I mean, I guess you could wear condoms til you’re married? Nope. Std is a no go.

    Reply
  5. ctoby says:
    February 28, 2013 at 4:26 am

    holy jumpin’ STDs! Erm, I don’t think a highly virulent, easily transmissible and not to mention DISGUSTING venereal disease HAS a work-around factor. A “get away from ASAP” factor, yes. Work-around? No. Perhaps your married friend has been sheltered by the loving bosom of her fambly so long that she is no longer aware that the present “dating” world is FRAUGHT with danger…. but then, I work in a lab, so perhaps it’s just me…?
    Nah. Ah, to be young, single, and visiting the free clinic every other week. Really takes me back… 😉

    Reply
    • Lafemmeroar says:
      March 1, 2013 at 11:24 pm

      omg your comments always crack me up! I can’t even respond! lmao lmao on “free clinic” I suddenly got images of these young chickies sitting in the waiting room to get their prescription of antibiotics … I shouldn’t laugh, but why am I? Oh i know it’s all your fault crazy chick! 🙂

      Reply
  6. countingducks says:
    February 28, 2013 at 4:53 am

    You have to wonder about “E”‘s boyfriend. Getting into some dodgy conversation with a women and then giving E his password is not encouraging on either tactical or ethical grounds. She’s well rid of him. I don’t know anything about the “C” thing . Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

    Reply
  7. Carl D'Agostino says:
    February 28, 2013 at 5:42 am

    Finding the one – Spoze that is a desire for most of us whether we are alone or in a relationship(probably with one that is not the one). We have to learn to be secure within ourselves not dependent upon attachments – any people , places or things(unless it is chocolate, of course) . Having a self image contingent upon the presence of others and what others do or don’t do is usually not a healthy emotional life style. I never give my password to anyone except my computer tech guy so he can work on mine from his location not being here. Giving password? Never. Mainly because I can’t remember it.

    Reply
    • Lafemmeroar says:
      March 2, 2013 at 8:00 am

      lol on not remembering your password! Excuses! 🙂 On another note I do agree that even in a relationship sometimes we still desire or have thought about “the other.” I know I have … but this was done in time of stress and duress about the relationship. I think I’ve been too used to and too comfortable in being single … it’s time for me …

      Reply
  8. Ribbons Undone says:
    February 28, 2013 at 6:13 am

    Chlamydia can be cured. There are medicines for that. It only takes about a week or so. The guy could have gone to his doctor to get them. That he didn’t shows he was pretty embarrassed about his situation and, IMHO, a bit cowardly, but then again most guys don’t like any doctors messing with their man bits unless the doc looks something like Sofia Vergara.

    Reply
    • Lafemmeroar says:
      March 1, 2013 at 11:22 pm

      During the dinner conversation we didn’t think about that … I guess when she heard the word and think about it and say it out loud …”CHLAMYDIA” my gosh it does sound scary. Now I don’t understand why he told her. He could have just kept it mum until the antibiotics kicked in! I need to follow-up on that story … BTW, when I did Google chlamydia boy did I see some really yucky sickly schlong pics … omg at least my “boy toy” will never get sick like that! bleach …

      Reply
  9. nancyelauzon says:
    February 28, 2013 at 6:24 am

    I guess you have to give points to the guy for admitting he’s got an STD … my question would be, why wouldn’t he just get treatment with antibiotics, get rid of the C, make a point to always use condoms in future, and move on with dating? As far as I know, C is totally treatable. Aside from that, you raise a great point. My older daughter married her high school sweetheart, and my younger daughter, at 28, has ZERO LUCK in the dating department. She has stopped asking her married sister for dating advice, because really, Single Daughter knows more about dating than Married Daughter will ever know at this point. I can tell you that Single D has thought about giving up many times, but soldiers on with online dating, even though she thinks most of the men she meets are game-playing, dishonest, LOSERS. Having said that, she also believes that maybe in the past she’s been a little too judgmental, and tries to keep a more open when she meets somebody.

    Reply
    • Lafemmeroar says:
      March 4, 2013 at 8:10 pm

      Now that I know it’s curable … thanks to the comments from this post … I guess there ARE things that can’t be worked around … for some. I feel for your single daughter, but perhaps in the end her caution has served her well and with an open mind … it will serve her even better 🙂

      Reply
  10. Cinnamon says:
    February 28, 2013 at 7:05 am

    Hmmmmm… First of all, I spit coffee on the keyboard when I read “as one”. I love your sarcastic/biblical twists woman. Here’s my opinion for what it’s worth (usually just a “note to self – do not repeat this loser’s mistake” kind of thing). But you are right, married people tend to work around the “dealbreakers” depending on how much “stuff” they invested in the deal. You know…is it “cheaper to keep’r” kind of thing. Otherwise the offending “one” must hit the bricks. I say “E” was smart for passing on Mr. C. ut oh… here comes a Cinnamon story. I once went to a bar with some friends like we did every Friday night while I was stationed in Texas. There was a guy there that was hitting on me. He was, without a doubt, the most gorgeous guy I’d EVER been hit on by in my life. I couldn’t figure out why he was doing it, but I was riding that pony for all it was worth. Drinks, and dancing….he was a wonderful dancer too btw….. So I take him home. Who wouldn’t? right? Well, turns out MOST women wouldn’t if they saw what I saw when I unwrapped my manly present back in my bedroom. I am NOT lying when I say that his “noodle” was the size of my little finger ! And as if God hadn’t cursed this poor man enough, by giving him the face and body of Adonis, and the cock of a hamster……….the thing was CROOKED too. So what can I tell you. There are deal breakers and then there are dream breakers too. Just relax…..”THE ONE” will find you. And you are worth the find.

    Reply
    • Lafemmeroar says:
      March 4, 2013 at 8:14 pm

      First of all … why wouldn’t he hit on you … you’re hot! I’ve seen your pic 🙂 But the small weenie .. hehehehehehe lololololol lmao lmao lmao lmao … omg I just peed my pants. Whew now … on a serious note … if I really loved the guy even if his weenie were the size of a clitoris … I think my true love would help me work around it so long as he’s open to some “toys.” Oh Cinnamon … I hope “the one” and I find each other soon … before gravity hits my most important assets loll! As always thank you for your hilarious and thought provoking comments Cinnamon … I’m so glad we found each other 🙂

      Reply
  11. 10000movies says:
    February 28, 2013 at 11:00 am

    Working around the Chlamydia situation? No way, Jose!
    But apart from that, there are some important things to consider about the mentality of people, regarding relationships.
    Being in a very long marriage, I had always tried to workaround several situations. It is a mindset for sure. It is not necessarily bad as long as no core values are at stake for either party.
    Being alone in my own La La Land for a considerable time, is also a mindset, if a conscious decision is made about real needs, values, desires etc. Especially if one has been together with other people and decided it does not work.
    In both situations, being together or being alone, it is like one has to transcend an energy barrier to go to another state. Something serious has to happen in both situations in order for the *reaction* to take place. It is only human: resistance to change.
    Furthermore, since there is a lot of hype about the *one*, may be, just may be, we should adopt another point of view.
    First of all, Is the notion of the *one* really ours? I mean, how was it influenced from our education, our society (which promotes togetherness and not independence, since family is the building block of every society, while independence is for a society just trouble).
    Second, may be we want from our vision of the *one* a multitude of roles that become such a person a real … fiction. Sex partner, mind companion, caring as much as we care for him/her, accommodating the *image* we have for him/her to please our environment, to fit the model we subconsciously have from our family about how she/he should behave under numerous situations and many more…
    Third, suppose we find the *one* and he/she is *exactly* as we want him/her! Wow! Will he/she evolve in exactly the *same* way we envision him/her as we live together??
    Enough said 🙂

    Reply
    • Lafemmeroar says:
      March 2, 2013 at 7:58 am

      10000 you’ve said something that really resonates with me … to transcend the energy barrier to go to another state. Being along is one state and being in a partnership is another … it is something that I have not come close to mastering (obviously). For me “the one” is someone who I can respect and enjoy spending time with. It’s that simple, but it’s also a tall order because enjoying to spend time with someone warrants that I transcend that energy barrier!Thank you so much for your insightful comment because you have really given me so much to think about in terms of what I want, what I need and what I am willing to work around with … Plus, the want of “the other” is a powerful influence …

      Reply
  12. Lorna's Voice says:
    February 28, 2013 at 1:01 pm

    I was once married and I would never be willing to “work around” the C-word. I think it has more to do with ones personality than ones marital status. 😉

    Reply
  13. renxkyoko says:
    February 28, 2013 at 2:23 pm

    Lafemmeroar, I think the single one who’s looking should stay away from another problem , a potentially huge one if she gets it too. Not worth it.

    Reply
    • Lafemmeroar says:
      March 4, 2013 at 7:40 pm

      Yes… she didn’t go through with it … she’s dating a super nice and really witty guy now … I have my fingers crossed for happily ever after 🙂

      Reply
  14. Inside the Mind of Isadora says:
    February 28, 2013 at 2:53 pm

    Deal breakers are deal breakers – no forgiveness there. Once a deal breaker always a deal breaker. Once a cheat always a cheat. Do I feel strongly ablout it. YUP …. I would much raher be alone than compromise.
    I know – what you’re thinking is – ‘This from a chick who has a guy.’ ‘A guy who has been around along time.’ How about checking to see how the guy treats his mother. Ask him how he feels about her? What does he do to make her happy and show her he cares? I’ll bet you’ll find a caring and loving guy there.
    For beauty will fade – but a heart that is faithful will never grow cold…. or something like that. I forget the actual poem.
    Adios mi amiga
    Isadora

    Reply
    • Lafemmeroar says:
      March 2, 2013 at 7:54 am

      You’re very right Isadora about how a man treats his mother … it’s indicative of his attitude toward women. And yes, that is what I was thinking when you said “This from a chick who has a guy” … must know something about how to keep a relationship together and as far as I know, while I”m sure it’s not perfect, they’re pretty solid. I also think that women really do fall in love with what a man is inside … his essence … at least that’s true for me.

      Reply
  15. Valentine Logar says:
    March 1, 2013 at 4:51 am

    The answer is yes. When you are marry you have to be willing to negotiate, compromise and evaluate every situation. Each person has to know what a deal breaker really is and whether they are willing to walk away from their investment in the relationship. Far to many people place far to little value in what that means and walk far to quickly.

    There is compromise, where each of you are getting something out of it.
    There is appeasement, where only one of you is getting something out of it.

    One is good. The other is bad.

    Reality? During the course of any long-term relationship you will do both. As long as it is both of you doing both at different times, pretty much life goes on and it works out.

    How do you measure? Someone said to me on a post of mine something that was genius, I am paraphrasing it here: If it is going to mean something in 20 years I say something otherwise I move on with the day.

    Reply
  16. Inion N. Mathair says:
    March 1, 2013 at 10:33 am

    I have pretty picky standards as well, Lafemme. Though I don’t think I’m impossible, those standards have gotten in the way of some dating oppurtunities and possible partners. I would love to give you the solution to your problem or some wise advice, but I’m in the same boat and it’s filling up with water, very fast. Hopefully, someone will throw a lifeline sometime before the cobwebs start forming. LOL! 🙂

    Reply
  17. Melo says:
    March 1, 2013 at 11:34 am

    Hello!
    First of all, I would like to apologize in advance for all the mistakes you’ll find in this post. English is not my first langage.
    I’m 24 and I’ve been single for about 3 years now. I’ve only had one boyfriend in my life and that relationship only lasted a year. I believe one of the reasons I’ve been single most of my adolescent and adult life is because I’m too picky. I realized it a few months ago after signing up on a dating site. I met a guy and after one date, told him we could only be friends. The reason? He had a weird voice, had a terrible spelling and we didn’t have the same level of education which I felt was not a problem now but could become a source of conflict.
    I talked to my friends about it and most of them told me I was nuts: the guy was cute, nice and civilized. Plus, he had a job and was looking for a long term relationship. Surely I could set aside these few imperfections.
    No, I couldn’t.
    However, I don’t believe “the one” exists and I know nobody can be the perfect man of my dreams. Well… Actually… I’ve met 3 guys in the last 3 years that I felt were “perfect” for me. But guess what: they’re already taken.
    What I believe is that when we start at the beginning of the “dating game”, we have a perfect image of the person that is right for us. But then, as those people get progressively matched with better looking and smarter people than us, we need to lower our expectations and work around those deal breakers.
    So I guess I have a choice to make: I either lower my expectations or decide I will be alone for the rest of my life.
    It feels a bit pessimistic…

    Reply
    • Lafemmeroar says:
      March 1, 2013 at 11:18 pm

      Hi Melo and let me just say thank you for your comment. I think that you touch on a lot of my own issues. No one is perfect, but I believe there is a man out there who is “perfect for me.” He is the type of man I could be happy “just being with.” I imagine a certain contentment just sitting next to him and having a conversation. I don’t think I’m asking for much, but what I’m looking for has eluded me for decades!

      Don’t be pessimistic … my gosh you are soooooooooooo YOUNG! You have your whole life and you will evolve in so many ways. I don’t think you’re picky … I just think that perhaps you value yourself and you know WHAT YOU DON’T WANT. You don’t have to lower your expectations, but perhaps, and I should take this advice myself, you might need to understand “the other” more. I have been too guilty of not understanding and have given up on relationships I do know that I’m cautious only because I don’t want to get hurt and I have to admit that my caution has perhaps hurt others. I’m sorry about that. Age doesn’t give you wisdom perhaps … but living a lot of years gives you the time to right the wrongs. Stay optimistic Melo … meanwhile … have fun waiting and perhaps you’ll meet him when you least expect it.

      Reply
  18. Bodhirose says:
    March 1, 2013 at 5:51 pm

    Isn’t chlamydia totally curable through antibiotics? Why doesn’t he get himself cured before he starts going out on dates?! Dummy… I don’t think you can lump all married people into one category of being able to “work around” certain issues. If you’re really insecure and don’t want to be alone…people will put up with a hell of a lot…I see it all the time….married or not. So glad your friend dumped her really dumb boyfriend who gave her the password to his email. Super dummy… She should have been thrilled to have found out what a nimcompoop he was…why even one tear over that dude?

    Reply
    • Lafemmeroar says:
      March 1, 2013 at 11:09 pm

      Don’t know much about chlamydia … I’m even surprised I can spell it, but now I know it is curable … in terms of “working around” issues you’re right! And yup he was what you said a “nincompoop” lmao lmao lmao! She’s onto the new guy now and he seems promising … here’s hoping 🙂

      Reply
  19. Phil Gayle_For Singles and Couples says:
    April 17, 2013 at 10:47 am

    I’m glad to hear the ladies still get together and share…something which, I hear, happens less these days due to jealousies, judgements and a lack of trust in the sisterhood.
    Maybe it’s a cultural thing, over here in the UK. people ‘appear’ to share less than in the states.

    I understand what N means, but if E wants to have children, that may be a hard one to work around.
    I told one of sisters (who recently turned a certain age) to make sure she doesn’t have an overly long list of requirements.
    I think you single ladies should stick by your ‘deal breakers’ and not compromise on those, allowing those to slide will be disastrous, in the long run.
    However, I still feel you should be flexible, enough to allow certain things on your list to slide, in order to get the great match you deserve.

    Please ask N to pass by and contribute to the Matrimonial Testimonials post… I would love to hear from her. 🙂

    Reply
    • Lafemmeroar says:
      April 20, 2013 at 2:26 pm

      I agree in sticking to the “deal breakers” and I’m seeing E tonight … not sure about N though … oh and even though you don’t know these chicks … E just sent me a pic of her and other friends back in high school …. oh they were all soooo cute and innocent. Now they’re beautiful and awesome and alas … much wiser women! 🙂

      Reply

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