Four Types of Femme Fatales

An oldie but it still rings true … read and find out why:

A recent conversation with a very distraught and angry friend got me thinking about the damage women can do to men. Recently dumped by his girlfriend he ranted about how women are nothing but sneaky, gold digging liars who destroy men’s lives. I didn’t argue over his generalization or that he was talking to a woman. He was in too much pain to be challenged.

via IMDB

via IMDB

Basically, he bought her a new car, new boobs, a new nose and now she’s got a new man. She was a goddamn femme fatale he said. I had met the woman. So, I told him about the four types of femme fatale and since he’s a film buff I used a few movie references to support my descriptions
The Classic Femme Fatale in film noir seduces the man to commit the crime. In “Double Indemnity” Barbara Stanwyck two-times Fred MacMurray, but not before she convinces him to murder her husband. He couldn’t resist her so he killed for her. Classic femmes use their sexuality to compromise a man’s morality and ethics for a piece of prime tail that these men unknowingly have to share.

via IMDB

via IMDB

Homicide lurks beneath the quirky exterior of the Funny Femme Fatale. Remember “milfy” Kathleen Turner in “Serial Mom”? She impaled her daughter’s boyfriend with a fireplace poker when he stood her up. This type of femme will make you laugh then turn you into a kebab.

Screen Shot 2013-03-26 at 9.37.16 PMUnlikely femme fatales look innocent and they’ll “boo-hoo” their way into your heartstrings. Mia Farrow as the mousy Daisy Buchanan in “The Great Gatsby” turned on Gatsby’s (Robert Redford) hero to the rescue mode. Gatsby ends up dead in his own pool and Daisy goes back to her husband. This type of woman will put you in the soup pot then forget about you when you’re cooked.

via IMDB

via IMDB

The Bad Ass Femme Fatale is a do-it-herself type of gal. Uma Thurman as the bride out for revenge, in “Kill Bill” knows how to wield a sword and she’ll massacre a restaurant full of foes and anybody else that’s done her wrong. She’ll slaughter you like a piece of meat, then tenderize you with a karate chop followed by a swift kick.

He contemplated my explanation and said that the bitch wasn’t like any of those women. She was too dumb to be that cunning and too weak to do any physical damage he said drying his eyes. In fact I can replace her just like that he said snapping his fingers. That’s the spirit I said. See it’s not that bad I continued. He nodded and kept on repeating the word “dumb bitch.” I’m not opposed to the word bitch, but preface it with “dumb” and I get irked. So, I said look at it this way you’re alive and you’re not in jail; you were just dumber than she was.

Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

20 Responses to Four Types of Femme Fatales

  1. nicoyagirl77 says:

    awesome!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks 🙂

  2. kdaddy23 says:

    Even though I felt kinda sorry for the guy, I loved the way you explained it to him and loved how you pointed out that he was dumber than she was.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      That conclusion was made when he said “dumb bitch.” I still keep in touch with him though … 🙂

  3. That’s a very good description of the various varieties of horror available to the unsuspecting male. I loved your consolation remark at the end. Lets hope it got a smile out of him. At least he survived to live another day, as you said.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      The good thing about this guy is that he gave me one of those looks … that meant I knew you’d say that … 🙂 Yup we’re buds 🙂

  4. ctoby says:

    lol as usual, spot on, Lafemme. I’ve said a similar thing in similar situations–though unlike you, I have a heart, you heartless bish. Instead of the blunt, “You were dumber than she was,” I like to say, “Hey, don’t forget…YOU picked her! (or him)” That generally gets the same sort of response, yet it’s so much warmer and heartlier, yes? I’m sure when you’re my age you’ll be all mellow and understanding and stuff…you know, like me! 😀 heh

    Hope you’re doing well, ma sistah by anothah mothah!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You always make me laugh with your comments … I just love you!!!!!!!!!! and lol I don’t know if I have enough energy to be “your age” you are waaaaay to out there crazier than me!!!!!!!!!! :))))))))))

  5. I kinda feel sorry for him, but treacherous bitch would have likely been better. Of course, he could have demanded the boobs and car back, then slammed the door in her face thus taking back the nose as well.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol Valentine … I wish I’d said that … it’s brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Patti Kuche says:

    My mother would call him a “poor boy” in the light of this hussie’s behaviour whereas my father might quietly have called him a poor dumb bastard. I hope your friend is feeling better and how lucky for him to have your friendship!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh he’s lucky to have me all right … had we been an item … he’d never have the need to buy me boobs 🙂

  7. Eric says:

    Just hate it when that happens… 😛

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You bought a chick boobs before?????????

  8. Yay for the bad ass! 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      She’s my fav as well. True “Schlongerator”! 🙂

  9. funny stuff, check out my newest post 🙂 – – http://laughatmypain.wordpress.com/2013/04/03/local-man-almost-raped-by-mentally-ill-midget/

  10. Phil Gayle_For Singles and Couples says:

    A long time ago, I allowed myself to be messed up by a femme fatale…not a pretty or proud chapter of my life…will be writing about it. 😉

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh I can’t wait for your femme fatale post Phil! You know I’ll be Tweeting and Fbing the heck out of it when it comes out 🙂

      • Phil Gayle_For Singles and Couples says:

        Lafem, it will be very explicit and sensitive to write about…probably only touch the surface on the Blog but put the full story in the book.

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