Revenge on a “Cheating Man”

Revenge can be HOT read on to find out!

Men love to objectify women and there is a “thing” called a real doll that men can have sex with if they have a couple of thousand bucks to throw down. She’s sexy. She’s beautiful. She never gets fat ’cause she can’t eat. She never talks back ’cause she can’t speak. She never complains, criticizes or judges ’cause she can’t think. She never threatens to leave ’cause she can’t walk. She can however, be positioned in anyway a SCHLONG would like ’cause she’s very dexterous and she won’t mind a threesome, a foursome or a gang bang.

Yes, she’s the perfect woman ’cause she’s made of plastic. But she can also do some “real damage” to a schlong. Imagine this:

One day a friend told me that she caught her boyfriend “doggy-backing” some chick in his bedroom. It was a chilling moment when the man she loved was “loving” someone else. Then she realized that the chick he was banging was an anatomically correct (with three orifices) version of a “real woman.” And yes, his schlong was in the nether part of her nether region. When she found out that he’d been having sex with “Brittney” for years she couldn’t believe that he’d even named the piece of fake vagina plastic.

To top it off, he had the nerve to confess his love for her and to reason that at least he can’t catch a disease from a “real doll.” Then the schlong said that if she truly loved him she’d understand and grant his fantasy:

“A Threesome with Brittney”

She left crying and devastated, then she called me.

I gave her some very good advice and being the wise woman she is she followed my advice.

[If you find yourself in a similar situation and would like to try out this plan you’ll need: a little plumbing knowledge and a hypodermic needle.]

The next day she went over to his house. He was excited at the thought of a threesome and immediately fished out “Brittney” who had been sojourning under his bed the whole time. He was so excited that he didn’t even think twice at what my friend told him to do next.

I want you to video tape the whole thing,” she said.

Screen shot 2011-07-10 at 1.27.42 PMHis eyes almost popped out of their sockets at his delight and his schlong was popping too. Then she said that she forgot her phone in the car and when he said we’ll use mine, she said mine is better. So he grabbed her keys to fetch her phone like a lap dog earning his treat.

When he got back he expertly positioned the phone on the dresser and made sure the angle was perfect. Then he positioned Brittney on her back.

He got undressed and said, “This is going to be the hottest night of your life baby.”

And my friend said, “No this is going to be the hottest night of your life.”

He approached her for a kiss. “No, I want to watch you do it to Brittney first,” she said smiling and sat down on the armchair opposite the bed.

You little freak,” he beamed and got on the bed with his plastic lover. My friend’s stomach turned when he did things to “Brittney” he did to her. Then he positioned his schlong for the “big entrance” and one big shove later he wailed the guttural cry of a dog in pain.

He quickly pulled out and his schlong was glistening wet. “It’s burning,” he cried cupping his loins.

“You didn’t tell me these dolls get wet just like real chicks,” she said innocently.

Screen shot 2011-07-13 at 11.43.03 AM“They don’t,” he screamed. “What the hell was in there. Help my dick is burning. It feels so hot.” He ran to the bathroom and turned on the shower. No water. He tried the sink. No water.

His whole crotch area was red as a beet. “I need water,” he cried in desperation.

“What about the toilet. There’s water there,” she said.

He looked at her for a moment. Good idea. He ran back to the bathroom, crouched over the bowl and dipped his schlong in the toilet water. He remained there for a about a minute. The burn was still there but when he turned around my friend was not.

Later on she called and said, “mission accomplished.” She successfully turned off his water before entering the house and she injected “Brittney’s” nethers with the concoction while he was fetching her phone.

“I hope it doesn’t cause any permanent damage,” she said laughing.

“No,” I said, “habanero extract never killed anybody. But he won’t be loving Brittney for a very long time.”

Note: My friend uploaded the video on a porn site. The video titled “Hot Sex with a Real Doll” has received over 4 millions hits. Makers of Real Dolls are after her for besmirching their product. Her ex is now under treatment. Not for his nethers … that eventually healed, but his fragile noodle has not. He is currently in therapy for he has suddenly developed a fear of “plastic vaginas.” JUSTICE SERVED!

Disclaimer: The above is for entertainment purposes only. Lafemmeroar made it all up, thanks to the tickings of her twisted noodle. Any assumptions that the above is true will be FALSE. Lafemmeroar cannot be blamed for any injuries that may occur in the re-enactment of the above fictionalized revenge plot. And in the event that you do and you find a guy “willing,”

Then he deserves everything he gets!

Get the CCC Badge

Join the Crazy Chicks Club

Join the Crazy Freaks Club

Join the B.A.D Club

© 2013 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

26 Responses to Revenge on a “Cheating Man”

  1. You, are, hilarious!!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Aw … thank you Carrie 🙂

  2. In poker cheating man gets shot.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      In Crazy Chick Land, cheating man gets a “hot schlong.” 🙂

  3. I took a blow-up doll out to dinner once, but she refused to tell the waiter what she wanted to eat. The date ended in utter silence. She looked good till the end of the evening but I left feeling utterly deflated. ( I really do apologise for this appalling pun but I was too weak to resist it )

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Look at it this way Counting … at least you saved on her meal 🙂

  4. Patti Kuche says:

    The sweet revenge of deep heat! You are priceless!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Aw… thanks for knowing my worth! 🙂 Crazy chicks need to stick together!

  5. Mother Nature heats things up again. How funny

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks Philosopher 🙂 Glad you got a chuckle out of it!

  6. LMFAO. 🙂 You have a truly devious mind, Crazy Chick. Love this!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I’m glad my twisted noodle gave you a chuckle 🙂 BTW, sent you an email about your interview.

  7. OMGosh,
    I want that baby blue lingerie!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      You can probably snag off “Brittney” nude or clothed … that plastic chick won’t know the difference … 🙂

  8. I am falling off my chair I am laughing so hard. Thankfully I had already swallowed (my coffee).

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      So nice to read your encouraging comment this morning … 🙂 Thanks Valentine!

  9. That was definitely the most interesting thing I will read all day. You really had me going! It kinda of reminded be of Lisbeth Salander from Girl with the Dragon Tattoo if you have read that.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh yeah … I’ve read the trilogy! Mine is more twisted in a fun oh no it can’t be sort of way! Thanks for commenting … so glad to see you here in my crazy world! 🙂

  10. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    Wonderful, hilarious, imaginative (c’mon, is it true?) – LOVED THIS!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Well … it’s a story that could happen … but how sick would that be? Best that it stays in my noodle and only released through my blog 🙂 Thanks for visiting Words 🙂

  11. Scoop Jackson..."News 60" says:

    For real? This is a crazy chick thing to do. Hey, “little Roar,” it was a plastic doll, not a real live person. Come on, didn’t the guy deserve a little break? One fair warning, and if he still carried on with “plastic pleasures” then nail him with the hot sauce…

    Just an opinion.
    Scoop

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh he did get a break!!!!!!!!!!!!! There was toilet water wasn’t there? 🙂

      • Scoop Jackson..."News 60" says:

        “Little Roar”…that’s just bad! I can’t say anymore than that. It seems a bit like the punishment doesn’t fit the crime…

        Scoop 😦

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          It never really does … does it?

  12. Eric says:

    Gives a whole new meaning to the term “safe sex”! If the doll had been Mexican, I might have believed the hot sauce… Bahahahaha!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      hot sauce is multi-ethnic!!!!!!!!!

Talk to me :)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: