Life Expectancies of the Single Woman

Wikimedia Commons/Life.com

Life is a daily surprise. Just when you think you’ve got your future planned, fate throws in a monkey wrench wrecking the synchronicity of your world order. If you thought that you’d find your true love by now, but it hasn’t happened yet, don’t fret. I can’t predict your life expectancy, but I can predict what you can expect when you are single.

Expect:

to be alone but not lonely

to be the one who takes out the trash including those on two legs

to be heartbroken, but not damaged

to enjoy flirting with bad boys just don’t expect forever

to not tolerate anything that makes you unhappy

to enjoy Girls’ Night Out

to look at every sexy male “ass” and not feel guilty about it

to “disengage” yourself from a male ass

to be the third wheel that adds humor and light in an otherwise dull pair

to never lose who you are

to cook for one and enjoy eating that one exotic ingredient that everybody hates and only you like

that the only rule in dating is to be yourself

that not all men know how to be just “friends” with a woman

to enjoy walks on the beach while dreaming of wonderful things to come

to never rely on the kindness of a strange, handsome man, but always be gracious upon such instances because you never know when a chance encounter can turn into a love match

to be in love with yourself for as long as you live

You can have a positive attitude about being single or you can blame the monkey wrench. What do you think?

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Β© 2013 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

44 Responses to Life Expectancies of the Single Woman

  1. renxkyoko says:

    aaargh. Okay, I’ll remember that.

  2. I know that you write to express how brilliantly funny you are. But I needed this post so badly tonight… I don’t even think you can understand. For the second time in my existence I found that the guy I was interested in was trying to hide my existence from his long time girlfriend. I am so happy at this moment to be single, and so grateful for funny people in the world like you πŸ™‚
    Thanks Lafemmeroar!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I’m glad that my twisted noodle was able to give you some comfort. You know when I started blogging I didn’t really know what to expect, but it’s times like this that keep me going with posting and re-posting. This was an old post that I felt needed a new audience … so glad you found it.

      I’m sorry about “that guy” but don’t lose hope. There are good MEN out there. Being single doesn’t mean being lonely. It’s a chance to get to know YOU. You are a beautiful work in progress and I admit that progress hits some rough spots, but we keep on keeping on because if we don’t, then it means that the “Schlongs” (the bad guys) have won and we will not let that happen. I never thought I was funny until I started this blog, but I’ve always believed that laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it. You will heal and learn from this experience … that’s the gift of time. Keep on keeping on Crazy Chick!

  3. Do you know its so long ago now πŸ™‚ I forget! πŸ™‚ The trick is to remember what you said in your last sentence
    “to be in love with yourself for as long as you live”… And to keep telling yourself that every day as you get older as you look in the mirror at the stranger looking back!

    Have a great Sunday and Sending you some smiles as you brought me yours
    Sue xox

  4. Confessions of Your Husband's Mistress says:

    It’s all about perspective isn’t it? I LOVE your perspective! Especially the third wheel. I need to remember that’s it’s not all bad.

  5. Another brilliant gem from your twisted noodle. You have beautiful way of blending humor with the truth, Lafemme. How much hope you give to us single girls. Mathair’s just celebrated 18th anniversary with her hubby, my wonderful dad, and it had me down about being the only single girl in the house and it seems all of my high school and college friends are married and well on their way to the double digit anniversaries. Truly needed your words today and will remember my favorite line from this post, “to never lose who you are”. πŸ™‚

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I know how you feel. My friends from high school are either married or with kids and/or celebrating their double digit anniversaries! I’m happy with the decision I’ve made … doesn’t mean I want to be alone but while I’m waiting for my fate to meet my future significant other, I’m going to enjoy me. And even when I do meet him, it doesn’t mean that I won’t continue to love myself or keep my identity. It’s been a long road and it hasn’t always been easy, but worth it. Keep on keeping on Inion!

  6. Gave up trying to find that soul mate decades ago. But alone has given time to embrace so many things that are just as fulfilling and even more not contingent on the presence of another.

  7. Sometimes my friend you can expect some of these even if you are not single. Then you can expect to be single because you should not have to tolerate this if you bought ‘forever’ with a ring and a f’ng white dress.

  8. And to think…I had all that bliss and loved every minute of it. Then I gave it up and have lived un-happily ever after since.

  9. Scoop Jackson..."News 60" says:

    Interesting viewpoints. Don’t sell your life too short on expectations. Thanks can change in a second…

    Thank you for your visit!

    Scoop

  10. Hi Lafemme~although Inion already commented on your newest post. We had to pay another visit to our fav gal-pal’s blog to let her know she’s been nominated by her two~kooky~friends, Inion N. Mathair~ for: The Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award! So, when you have a chance, just drop by our blog to pick up your award, Sister!! πŸ™‚

  11. Love your positive, honest, and funny perspective! πŸ™‚

  12. I’ve been single for over two years. I’m so used to being alone now that I think maybe I’m the only match for me. I don’t know who else would put up with me. :p

  13. soullfire says:

    I like the play on words – “Life expectancies” – very clever! =)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Yes, someone actually thought, when they read the title, that I was referring to “years” I love to twist words and ideas around. That’s just how my noodle works. πŸ™‚

  14. I’m not single, and have not been for decades, but I see a truth here for all women, not just the single ones. Thanks.

  15. Patti Kuche says:

    A great list for any woman, single, married or otherwise!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Hi Patti! Sorry it took me so long to respond … I wish I can say that I’ve been busier than a one arm paper hanger, but I’ve just been really bad and had temporary amnesia and forgot about my blog!! Oh boy, if I we’re Pinocchio my nose would be so big right now. Luv ya lots you talented Crazy Chick!!! πŸ™‚

  16. Saturn With Earrings says:

    Oh this was wonderful πŸ™‚ I’m new to your blog and to wordpress. This is great! I’m here to stay πŸ™‚

  17. Gaurab says:

    There’s already so many comments. I’m adding one more appreciation. Cool writing. Really like your post πŸ™‚

  18. Gede Prama says:

    Amazing, Thank you for writing which is quite good and best wishes always, and greetings

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