Thoughts about the World from a Crazy Chick

Screen shot 2011-06-28 at 1.06.10 PMAlthough I always say that laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it, I must admit that I just can’t laugh when my noodle twists and ponders about the mysteries of the world. That is until I was able to answer them with satisfaction:

Why does a Schlong stray? Because it’s not happy unless it catches a disease or gets divorced.

Why do fatty foods taste so good? Because corpulence cannot exist without being “over-fed.”

Why dodumb as dirtpeople always get promoted? Because they’re smart enough to stick their nose up the rectum of bosses that value stupidity.

How do celebrities stay so thin? They implant parasites in their system that drain the calories from food.

What causes inflation? The “hot air” from greedy CEOs that rule the world.

Why is it that some men can’t stop thinking dirty thoughts? Because their brains are made up of sewer debris.

Why do drunks say the stupidest things? Because a noodle soaked in alcohol drops about 69 I.Q. points.

Why is there an overabundance of idiots in the world? Because stupidity is an STD (Socially Transmittable Disease).

Do aliens really exist? No, just people with botched plastic surgery.Screen Shot 2013-09-02 at 10.28.37 AM

Why did the Crazy Chick buy batteries instead of bread? She needed a “happy ending” more than she needed the “carbs.”

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© 2013 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

25 Responses to Thoughts about the World from a Crazy Chick

  1. ZtarDaze says:

    Lol That was awesome! Definitely makes sense to me!! I love the one about Aliens and botched plastic surgery! I think Joan Rivers could be both though!!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Yup! And I think she didn’t look bad pre-op … so glad you enjoyed it 🙂

  2. Ha! Love the last one, Lafemme. I think… no I’m sure that batteries are a Crazy Chick must! So true about the ‘dumb as dirt people’ getting promoted. And isn’t it just the best when they screw around leaving you to contend with THEIR responsibilities only for you to get in trouble for not “being more like them”. Want to turn to the boss and say, “Oh, I’m sorry for not diving head first into your bum, or for not coming to work with my uniform low enough for you to ogle me, I was too busy saving everyone else’s jobs by actually working.” *Sigh* Sorry about that. Needed a moment to vent. Great post, babe!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lmao! love your rantings … the “dumb as dirt” phrase I stole from a friend complaining about a co-worker. I thought what a great saying and sooo true! 🙂

  3. Cinnamon says:

    The only question that I could possibly add to this list (and one that I’ll probably be blogging on in the near future) is this one. Why, when eating at a fast food restaurant, do people (myself included) grab a handful of napkins and yet use just the one over and over until I am shredding it on my unplucked chin hairs and re-smearing the ketchup that I originally was trying to remove from my mug? Is it really that hard to pick up the second napkin? Ugh

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I don’t know, but when you find the answer please tell me ’cause I do the same thing 😦

  4. Totally true and totally hilarious. Aliens! Dirt dumb! Great stuff

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I try to please Philosopher 🙂

  5. Patti Kuche says:

    You have it all summed up! Poor Donatella, I saw photos of her not so long ago in a bikini, and that was before breakfast . .. . I feel awful having said that but then I remember she is a style maven who should know better!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      omg your comment made me spit out my water!!!!!!!!! I don’t think you meant it to be funny, but it really is the most hilarious thing I’ve read in a while!!!!!

  6. renxkyoko says:

    OMG, the plastic surgery lady !

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      scary huh? It looks Photoshopped but it’s not!!!!!!

  7. Despite the humor, you make exceptional sense. 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thank you Valentine for understanding my logic 🙂

  8. Scoop Jackson..."News 60" says:

    Funny stuff, Little Roar! No good to be had from a lugubrious outlook on anything…

    🙂

  9. Interesting perspective.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Blame it on my twisted noodle Apple 🙂

      • My noodle is a tad twisted as well. 🙂

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          Great minds…:)

  10. kvennarad says:

    Seriously, bosses hate and fear people below them with more intelligence than they have, so they promote idiots like themselves. Just saying.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I agree!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. Gosh I can only wish I had an ounce of your sense of humor.

    I am really enjoying yor blog – you are awesome! 😀

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh thank you very much Yoliz! 🙂 I’ll have to visit your blog to find out what it is you’re experimenting!!! 🙂

  12. Phil Gayle_For Singles and Couples says:

    Hahahahaaaa, you are so naughty.
    You do have large elements of truth in those humorous noodle ponderings of yours, no matter how scathing they may appear to be. 😉
    What would be the reason for the non-alcoholic sober brain which still says stupid things?

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Glad you like my twisted noodle…I do believe that its twistedness has elements of truth. The absorb isn’t so absurd when you think about it 🙂

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