From Hell to Pleasure–A Poem

Oh no! Save me!


{Dear Friends … it’s been a while, so here’s a re-post of a poem in honor of Halloween}

Twas all Hallows Eve and all through the house

I heard creepy noises could it be a mouse?

I checked all the rooms and down through the hall

Then I heard it tap tapping right through the wall

My heart filled with fright and I ran to the door

Ready to scream then I tripped on the floor

I lifted my head and out came a creature

It looked like a monster from some sci-fi feature

His head had two horns that twirled here and there

With fury he said you’re going nowhere

In fear I stood up and begged for my life

He laughed at my words and said you are my wife

I looked at my hand and lo’ there’s the band

Was I truly wed-locked here in crazy land? 

A Sasquatch I married his body hirsute

His temper is fully that of a brute

How could I say yes to a creature so ghoulish?

Then I remembered when I was so foolish

In love and enthralled I fell under his spell

That’s when my life went from heaven to hell 

He yelled fix my dinner I’m hungry tonight

I ran to the kitchen to get out of sight

So frightened and scared I started to chop

My tears trickled down for my life was a flop

His sinister voice screamed hurry you wench

And bring me some ale for my thirst needs to quench

I moved like a drone; his own private slave

Maybe I’m dead and entombed in this grave?

Then my noodle burst forth a flicker of life

I looked at my hand where I held the knife

I then gave my monster his ale and his schnitzel

Then I attacked the inglorious weasel

My feet shuffled fast then my knife whacked a horn

He wept and he pleaded; please spare me your scorn

In frenzied delight I whacked, whacked and whacked

When my eye saw his schlong I was taken a back

For I did not recall it being so long

A great big idea from my mind grew strong

I told him to sit his ass on the couch 

From this day on you’ll stop being a grouch

Our fates will now change; from now on I lead

And I’ll use your schlong to service my need

First you will change from monster to hunk

Your temper no longer be that of a punk

In silence he sat; his eyes full of wonder

At who he treated with such shameless blunder

The doctor I called for a surgical request

For my husband I said at his own bequest

A cut here and there and electrolysis

Thus began his long due metamorphosis

Now I’m happy; I’m a chick in control

Of her “bound” husband the once monstrous troll

Now he’s transformed into an obedient toy

Through sheer cunning of this crazy chick’s ploy

In fear he works nightly to pleasure his wife

This is his sentence for the rest of his life

Disclaimer: The above is for entertainment purposes. Lafemmeroar is not married and the only monsters and trolls she knows are her exes. Wives or girlfriends reading this post should not get any funny ideas about whacking horns with a knife. Horns are hard and they are best whacked with a power tool.  Any similarity to monsters and trolls living or dead is purely coincidental. Lafemmeroar is NOT to be held liable or responsible for any consequences, injuries, or fatalities that may occur in the enactment of the above post.

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© 2013 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

12 Responses to From Hell to Pleasure–A Poem

  1. Harry says:

    Wonderful poem and disclaimer.

  2. Harry says:

    Can I re-blog it.

  3. Your poem definitely got us in the spirit of the holiday. You know the age old tradition of women transforming their toads into princes with the help of surgeons and a good ass kicking… it’s a totally legit tradition. Right? LOL. Great to hear from you again, Lafemme. Hope all is well.

  4. I am so happy you did not attempt to whack a horn with a knife. I knew you were smarter than that.

  5. Harry says:

    Reblogged this on dribblingpensioner and commented:
    This is a must read poem, its very funny.

  6. Very … Very .. Funny,,,!!!!

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