How to Diet on Thanksgiving

Argue with that relative you hate!

The anger and stress will have you reaching for the booze instead of the food.

Imagine that big bowl of buttery mashed potatoes

is a big plate of LARD!

If you don’t, then you’ll end up singing the “Lard-Ass of Seville” instead of “Jingle Bells” come Christmas.

By Caros Ostos Sabugal (Circus Divas Illustrations Gallery) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (, via Wikimedia Commons

If you like turkey butt (I know I did), remember what came out of it before the stuffing was pushed in it!

That pumpkin pie will turn your figure into the shape of an orange. You’ll have to do lots of “juicing” getting yourself back into shape. 

Wikimedia Commons – David.Monniaux (talk | contribs)

We eat with our eyes, our nose and our mouth … so put on a blindfold, plug your schnauzer and tape your pie hole … See no food + Smell no food = Eat no food. Note: You might also want to plug up your ears  … nothing worse than hearing: yum, good, scrumptious and delish when your dieting.

Good Luck Everybody 🙂 I for one am rehearsing for the lead in “Lard-Ass of Seville.”:)

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© 2013 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

17 Responses to How to Diet on Thanksgiving

  1. I gained 4 pounds just looking at a gallon of Dutch chocolate ice cream.

  2. Now that’s a holiday post!! I was just telling Mathair the other day, that I can get ready to pack on a good twenty pounds that I won’t see leave until after New Years. We spend ten months out of the year, starving ourselves like Anorexics so we can stuff our faces for two months & bitch & moan about the weight gain. I don’t get it. Coarse no sooner that I got it out of my mouth, did Mathair walk over & take the spoon of peanut butter out of my hand & say: “And is this your practice run?” So….I can get ready for the orange like body, lard-ass & Poultry-Butt-bread! A name I’m giving to stuffing courtesy of your brilliant post, Lafemme! Sharing this now.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Okay talking about “poultry-butt” I do love the turkey butt … only my sister in law cooks her turkey in a bag … it’s supper moist, but no crispy skin. I’m going to have to tell her to crisp up the butt for me so I can indulge when I get to their house!

  3. Oh, by the way sweety, I went to rate the post, & like an idiot hit the wrong side of the stars. I eventually hit the five, (which is what Mathair & I wanted to rate your post.) But just in case it didn’t take, no that I tried fixing it & how much we loved it!! 🙂

  4. I’m a sucker for pumpkin pie. You can keep the turkey and cranberry sauce. Just give me a pumpkin pie and a can of whipped cream and I’m happy.

  5. Good advice. But I think I’ll forgo calling my mashed potatoes ‘lard’ (ick!)

  6. Patti Kuche says:

    I really don’t know what you are talking about, I feel so guilty because Thanksgiving for me is still a matter of “what to cook for dinner tonight? . . . .” I’m the one in the long line Wed evening at the supermarket waiting to pay for three pork chops. 😦

  7. Lard and turkey butts – oh, the images should work wonders.

  8. Phil Gayle_For Singles and Couples says:

    Oh Lafem,
    It’s good to read your posts again. 🙂
    As one holiday passes another looms with the opportunity to indulge and relax a little too much.
    My abs are covered in a layer of potato (lard) since I’ve eased up on work-outs and relaxed my low-carb rule.
    I’ve been a regular cast member of Lard-ass of Seville over this last year.
    I really need to get myself fired from the line-up but it will have to wait until later this week after I indulge myself in some fine wine birthday fruit cake. 😉

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