Trash Talk in Relationships

The Courting Phase:

Setting: Her apartment.

Time: The first date.

Him: Wow. You look great.

Her: Thanks. Give me a sec. I just need to throw out the trash then we can go.

Him: I’ll do that.

Her: Really? Are you sure?

Him: I don’t mind.

Her: How sweet.

Him: Anytime.

The Relationship Phase:

Setting: Their apartment

Time: Morning

She’s making breakfast and he’s reading the papers.

Her: Do you smell something funny?

Him: No. Just your cooking.

Her: I think it’s the trash. Did you throw it out?

Him: (sighs) I forgot. (mumbles to himself) Why can’t she do it once in a while.

She: What did you say?

Him: Nothing honey.

She walks to the table and looks at him.

Him: (He knows he’s not getting any food until the trash is out.) Alright, I’ll do it now.

The Marriage Phase:

Setting: Their house

Time: Dinner

Him: What’s for dinner?

Her: Meatloaf.

Him: By the way, did you do my laundry?

Her: Yes. Did you take out the trash?

Him: I’ll do it after dinner.

Her: I got your laundry done before dinner. Why can’t you do the same?

Silence.

Her: Well?

Him: Well what?

Her: Trash now!

HIm: (Gives her a nasty look) Food now.

Her: (Pouts) After you throw out the trash.

Him: I’ll do it after dinner.

Her: Well you’re not getting your dinner until the trash is out.

Him: I want my meatloaf now-bitch!

Her: You want your meatloaf? (She goes to the kitchen. Brings out the meatloaf.) You want this?

Him: Yeah I want it now.

Her: You got it. (Goes back in the kitchen and dumps the meatloaf in the trash.) Come and get it!!!

The Divorce Phase: 

Setting: Lawyer’s office

Time: Doom’s day

Her: You lazy no good failure.

Him: You nagging shrew.

Her: I can’t wait to get rid of you and get a real man.

Him: A real man wouldn’t want you–you ice bitch.

Her: I’m keeping the house.

Him: Step one foot in there and I’ll throw you out.

Her: Step one foot in MY house and I’ll have the cops throw YOU out.

Him: I should have left you a long time ago.

Her: You earth worm.

He grabs her neck. She bitch slaps him. They’re rolling on the floor.

(Lawyer calls security.)

Lawyer: Yes, I need a couple of clients thrown out please.

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© 2014 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

6 Responses to Trash Talk in Relationships

  1. There’s nothing so amusing as a comic sketch which gets to the truth

  2. Thankfully, my divorce wasn’t that nasty. In fact it was quite civilized. This though was pretty close to the truth of most of them. Nicely done.

  3. Bodhirose says:

    Yep, that’s pretty much how it goes…

Talk to me :)

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