Fantasy Guy versus Real Guy

  • Fantasy guy smells good.  Real guy farts out the chili he had for lunch.

  • Fantasy guy is well groomed. Real guy cuts his nails and lets the clippings drop to the floor.

  • Fantasy guy knows fine cuisine. Real guy puts the fries in his hamburger then dips the whole thing in bbq sauce.

  • Fantasy guy buys tampons for you. Real guy says “ARE YOU F#*+#&G CRAZY!!!!!” and tosses you a roll of toilet paper.

  • Fantasy guy buys you flowers. Real guy thinks flowers are a waste of money.

  • Fantasy guy gives you oral sex. Real guy says “I’ll do you if you do me first” then once he gets his happy ending he doesn’t bother to return the “favor.”

  • Fantasy guy is a billionaire. Real guy makes you pay for your dinner.

  • Fantasy guy buys you lingerie at Victoria’s Secret. Real guy takes you to the 99 cent store.

  • Fantasy guy never looks at other women. Real guy has eye radar for any tit (real or fake) and ass (big or small) that passes by!

  • Fantasy guy loves your curves. Real guy wants an anorexic.

  • Fantasy guy watches Lifetime movies with you. Real guy watches ESPN 24/7.

  • Fantasy guy hates strip clubs. Real guy walks into a strip club and they all know him by name “Regular.”

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© 2014 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

12 Responses to Fantasy Guy versus Real Guy

  1. I’m prepared to say what I do with my nail-clippings. What I am prepared to say is I’m clearly not a “Fantasy Guy,” but we all have to live with our limitations

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Fantasy guys definitely has his limitations: 1. He’s not real 2. And if he were…he’s pussy-whipped (and who’d want “that”!!!!!!!) Thanks for visiting Peter. And I’m sure you always dispose of your clippings appropriately 🙂

  2. Eric says:

    Fantasy guy sweeps you across the threshold, real guy makes you sweep the threshold. Fantasy guy lays his jacket over the puddle for you. Real guy lays you over the puddle. Fantasy guy picks you up for a date in his limo. Real guy calls you five minutes after you were supposed to meet up and asks you why you haven’t picked him up yet. Fantasy guy leaves a trail of rose petals to the bed. Real guy leaves a trail of this week’s dirty underwear…

  3. Fantasy Guy is giving me an inferiority complex. He had been for years now. Every girl talks about him, and yet none have been able to keep him for long. Thank God I am not the Real Guy. I’ve met him and boy does he make me look like a catch. It’s like I think I’m bad, and then I see Real Guy in action and I realize that I’m not so bad.

    The Real Guy is what men can become when we become WAY too comfortable and leave any sense of passion or romance in the dark.

  4. Bodhirose says:

    The best we can hope for is someone in between Fantasy Guy and Real Guy! Thanks for the chuckle this morning, Laf. Loved Eric’s additions too! 🙂

  5. frigginloon says:

    They both scare me 😯

  6. themofman says:

    4th bullet; I’ve bought pads for my wife at least 4 times, and I’ll do it again, and again. That’s no fantasy. 🙂

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