How to Survive Blind Dates

You know friends are having a pity party for you when they start to set you up on blind dates. You can either say no and stay home or say yes and take a chance. I’ve had my share of blind date hell, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve given up on finding true love. In the meantime, here are some tips to keep in mind about blind dating.

Practice your poker face. Go in front of the mirror. Now imagine that your date looks like this guy. Now smile and say nice to meet you. Keep on practicing until your look of disgust transforms into a generic pleasantness. You’re in no position to judge him. Remember that looks are subjective. Another girl would probably think he’s a total hottie. Besides it’s not his fault he looks that way. What you should do is send your matchmaker friend an email virus for setting you up with a total “minzer.”

Carry a concealed weapon. You don’t know this guy. Crazies look and act normal on the outside, but they’re homicidal on the inside. You need protection just in case. Forget about pepper spray or taser guns. Looking for them inside your purse is like looking for your keys. And we all know what that’s like. You need to be a WELP (Woman with an Extremely Large Purse). Walloping your blind date with a purse full of books is a good way to defend yourself. The hardcover version of “Breakthrough” by Suzanne Summers combined with all the other thingamajigs you have in your purse can do some damage. But if you’re serious about self-protection then you’ll need a copy of the “Oxford English Dictionary.” He’ll be seeing stars when you whack him on the head with this lexicon. Tip: Aiming for the little head will have him talking like Mickey Mouse as he cowers away in pain.

Be cool. If your date turns out like this guy (fill in the blank face with your fantasy man), don’t get your panties in a bunch. There’s nothing worse than a woman with a constant I just hit the hunk lottery look on her face. Retain your composure even though your insides are turning cartwheels. He’s not yours–yet. Smile, be nice, and avoid talking about religion, politics and especially marriage. Let him do the talking (guys like that) and just nod your head (who cares if you disagree with him). There’s plenty of time to be yourself once you’ve hooked him.


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© 2017 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

6 Responses to How to Survive Blind Dates

  1. Bodhirose says:

    Well, I took up online dating some time ago and out of all of the guys I’ve met I met one who I thought we could make a go of it, but no, I was wrong. I met one guy who was passing through my town in his RV for an indefinite time of traveling the country and I told him to stop by and we’d have lunch. He pretty much took one look at me and wanted to pack me up to come with him then and there…we just met! He then told me if I changed my mind and he hadn’t got past North Carolina, he would turn around and come back and get me! We just met!! Oh, and he offered to pay for all of my expenses!! What?? He wasn’t a good match for me. I met another guy online (we didn’t meet in person) who was 85 years old and insisted that we would make a perfect couple. He wrote pages to me of how we were compatible and please give us a chance. Um, no thank you. For sure, you have to have a sense of humor. I haven’t given up yet so wish me luck and I’ll wish you the same!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      OMG!!! You dating experiences would make a great Lifetime movie of the week!!!! RV guy is crazy and the 85 year old…well…it’s just bad timing..and I haven’t given up either. I started the blog hoping I’d find Mr. Right, but I guess he doesn’t know about “Lafemmeroar” lolol…so glad you stopped by. Lotsa Luv… 🙂

      • Bodhirose says:

        There are more stories. Maybe I’ll share some more later. I’d love to hear of some of yours too. I’ve had zero guys show interest in me through my blog…I’ve often wondered about that… Hugs, Laf! 🙂

  2. There’s plenty of time to be yourself once you’ve hooked him.

    The major reason living together for at least a year should preclude marriage. If “it” is a monster they can’t shield it for that long. Joint bank account suggestion = delete relationship immediately.

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