Questions I asked Mommy and Daddy

Looking at my childhood pictures reminded me of happy days filled with wonderings about the mysteries of the world. My innocence compelled me to ask questions, which my parents answered separately and together.

Will Santa give me that big doll house for Christmas?

Not this year sweetie. He’s on a budget.

Why do I have to order from the children’s menu when I can eat more than you can?

Small people must eat small portions.

Why can’t I eat more candy?

Because cavities are expensive.

Why do I have to go to school?

Dad: So you’ll know how to fill out a job application.

(Two frogs in my hand.) Do frogs really turn into prince charmings?

Mom: Eeeek!     Dad: Get that toad out of this house.

What’s divorce?

Mom: Community property.     Dad: Freedom

When can I get a boyfriend?

Dad: Never 

When can I get married?

Mom: When you fall in love.     Dad: Weddings are expensive.

What’s sex?

Mom: Sex gets you in trouble.     Dad: Girls don’t like sex.

What’s birth control?

Mom: Ask your father.     Dad: I have nothing to do with that.

When do I live happily ever after like in the fairy tales?

No Answer

As I learned the facts of life and experienced the daily chaos that thwarted my world order, I realized that the only magical thing about existence resides within my imagination. Happily ever after meant the end of the story … my story isn’t over. Happiness is in believing that I’m a beautiful work in progress who finds joy in laughing at the malfunction of the universe.

What’s your happiness?

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©2018 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

13 Responses to Questions I asked Mommy and Daddy

  1. Bodhirose says:

    Little kids are so innocent in their questions…mostly anyway. 🙂 And mostly our questions were responded to with sarcasm, inaccuracies, fear or “go away and don’t bother me right now.” Jeez, what’s a kid supposed to do?

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I just remember always being shooed away…but I was just inquisitive in ways that annoyed adults!

      • Bodhirose says:

        That’s too bad…

  2. kdaddy23 says:

    I’d ask such questions and get bullshitted, deflected, ignored, and even told, “Because I said so!” To the question of what is sex, I was told, “You don’t need to know anything about that!”

    Really? The thing is, um, when I had questions that my parents weren’t willing to answer, I went looking for the answers… and found them.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I remember going to the library and looking up words like sex, lesbian, gay and all that stuff…the “gay” word was tricky though…I just got Gay Talese.

      • kdaddy23 says:

        I lived in the library and testing my knowledge of the Dewey Decimal System; I found the definition for “bisexual” and “homosexual” in a book about mental illnesses (masturbation) was in that volume, too!); a book on anatomy showed me where babies come from and how they get there – very graphic for the 1960s.

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          I remember my friends and I huddled around this picture book … all I remember were arms and legs in places I never thought would be possible… in junior high we used to be on the phone for hours reading from these steamy books. And! There was this one book, a memoir titled “The Happy Hustler” have you ever heard of it? Oh man..I read that book over and over and over again.

          • kdaddy23 says:

            I’ve heard of it and read it… after I swiped it from my dad.

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          Ha! I found it on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Happy-Hustler-SAXON/dp/0446596914 same pic and everything 🙂

  3. That certainly made me smile 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      🙂 right back at ya…

  4. Eric says:

    Wish my parents had told me that sex gets you in trouble! 😜

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Yup sex and trouble can be synonymous sometimes 🙂

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