Childhood Aspirations of a Crazy Chick

When Lafemme was a teeny-weeny kid

she often thought about what

she would be good at when she grew up.

What did you want to be? 🙂

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© 2014 Lafemmeroar

Me and My Spanx

 It’s not PMS when figure control is involved 🙂

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© 2014 Lafemmeroar

Signs that you grew up in a dysfunctional home

Hello Dear Readers,

We’re all a little crazy because many of us grew up in less than stellar homes. So, I thought I’d make this list for you. If you answer yes to at least five things on this list, then you belong to that oh so special group of people who survived the hell that was their childhood.

1. When you asked for permission, your father said “go ask your mother” and when you did she said “go ask your father.” And when you asked them together, they whacked you on the head for bothering them.

2. Alcohol was a staple item at mealtimes like dinner rolls.

3. Your parents spiked their coffee.

4. Your parents spiked your milk bottle.

5. You learned how to lie at a very young age–beats a beating!

6. When other kids drew sunshine and flowers next to their parents, you drew skull and bones.

7. You call your boyfriend “Big Daddy.”

8. Your parents told you the world is shit and you took it literally until you realized it was a metaphor.

9. You thought “boundaries” meant locking yourself in a room to fantasize about an “alternate reality.”

10. You thought all mothers ran around the house screaming what her life would have been like if she never met your father.

11. You thought “Bitch” meant “Mom.”

12. And “Motherf&#*%#” meant “Dad.”

Me and My Spanx

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

How to Get out of a Bad Relationship

As a single, never been married Crazy Chick I am the self-proclaimed expert on relationship exorcisms. I have performed many and I’ve helped other chicks as well 🙂

You need a relationship exorcism when:

♦ you’ve become a zombie because his mind has taken over your whole being

♦ he’s turned from being your friend and lover to being your tormentor

♦ he thinks you’re a punching bag

♦ your credit card is maxed out from charges he made to P.O.R.N. (P@ssy Open and Ready Now)

Crazy Chick Q & A #30

This week, meet Inion N. Mathair

Inion N. Mathair is Irish for daughter ‘n’ mother and is a pseudonym for our writing team. We started writing together five years ago and have completed three novels in that time. We are in the process of publishing The Perfect 7, the first in a YA fantasy fiction series about five teenage boys in a rock band that are thrust into a world of sex, drugs and rock and roll. And, are currently working on the second installment in the series, The Damask Persuasion.

Though our writing team is only five years old, both of us have been writing in one form or another most of our lives. Mathair wet her feet with poetry and editing while I took the journalistic route. It was our writing group that suggested we start writing together, given our short stories were eerily similar. Our blog came much later when we were advised by several of our friends and supporters to begin building a platform. The idea didn’t appeal to us at first, but we have to say that it’s been a sheer pleasure to have the caliber of friends we’ve been lucky enough to find. Case in point, the wonderfully crazy, beautifully genuine and heartfelt, Lafemme Roar and her Crazy Chick’s Club. We are proud members

Being Sad Sucks

Dear Readers,

Lately I have been thinking that I’m a rather insensitive person. I laugh at the malfunction of the universe because it’s better than crying about it … I say it all the time because … frankly …

being sad sucks…

But I just realized that I haven’t really had a deep thoughtful cry in a very long time. And as “light” as I try to be on this blog, I must admit that my mind is a twisted knot of convolutions most of the time. So … I’ve been asking myself why I react and do certain things the way I do …

I’m a crazy chick when I’m at my best … but is that it? Is it enough to live life always looking at the bright side or the funny side of things? Love? Life? Loss? Relationships? I don’t know … 

I know I’m being nebulous, but … I’m cryptic and private that way.

I’ve been so comfortable in not feeling sad that perhaps I’ve given up on true joy? I mean in the most deep soul-filling way …? I don’t know. I just keep telling myself that being sad sucks … and I haven’t been sad in a long time. 

So I repeat … lately I’ve been feeling rather off balance as if I’m on the verge of … I don’t know what … maybe I don’t want to know. All I know is that struggling doesn’t make one strong … but it does make one understand better. I want to understand myself better … I want to understand people better … I want to understand you better … I want to be more emphatic … sensitive … and I think this requires a bit of letting oneself face the firing squad.

Here’s hoping that the firing squad are bad shots …

I think I need to feed my soul with writing instead of cocktails tonight …

Be well … my friends.

All my best,

L

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© 2013 Lafemmeroar

I Don’t Need a Man

I was talking to my friend the other day and I mentioned that I’d been in a rather moody mood. When was the last time you got any he asked. Any what? (I was playing dumb) You know … sex … he said. Oh that …Well that’s kind of a tricky question I said. That means no he said and added that’s because you’re a dragon lady.

I couldn’t argue with him on that one … it’s not the first time I’ve been called a “fire breather.”

The Horny Pooch and My Wardrobe Malfunction

It’s not exactly skirt and sandal season, but I was going through some old posts and realized that this is a perfect example of a crazy chick moment when laughing at the malfunction of the universe is absolutely better than crying about it. Enjoy! 🙂

The hot weather prompted me to digress from wearing pants to wearing a skirt and a blouse. Since I’m rather “full” on top I used a safety pin to close the peek-a-boo see my bra gap. I was all intact and ready to

Random Thoughts from a Crazy Chick

I trust the logic of my irrationality.

Sometimes I think that my dreams are true.

I still believe I’ll find “the one” even though I’ve been with a bunch of “no ones.”

Sometimes I eat dessert for breakfast.

If subversive thoughts were a crime, then I’d be serving a life sentence.

I want to throw garbage at reality stars walking the red carpet.