Secrets about Turkeys Revealed

It’s that time of year when turkeys are served to carnivores who will stuff themselves to the point of needing a good nap.

Before turkeys are roasted, deep fried, trussed and dressed, these big birds make a pilgrimage to the Fowl Capital of the World–Fowlutopia home of the St. Cluck Cathedral, a place where turkeys who want to go to Fowl Heaven will confess and be absolved of their sins.

Father Jack Turkey (FJT) who has been listening to turkey confessions is breaking his silence. What Father Jack Turkey knows about his own kind has been kept a secret from the human population but I’ve got the exclusive interview here:

Lafemme: You were recently involved in a scandal that caused your removal from St. Cluck. Can you tell us about that?

FJT: I was caught cross-species fornicating

New Crazy Chick Diet

Hello Readers,

Disclaimer: This diet is very effective, but try it at your own risk or at the risk of your victim. Lafemmeroar should not be blamed, sued, or held responsible in the event that such risky tactics (albeit effective) result in the idea that it’s okay to abuse food in such a cavalier way.

Enjoy this funny cartoon…

Appetite Control On Thanksgiving

The holiday eating frenzy will begin soon.

If you’re worried about gaining weight this Thanksgiving, don’t fret.

I’ve got some tips on how to curb your appetite on turkey day 🙂

 

Tip 1: Argue with a relative you hate!

The anger and stress will have you

reaching for the booze instead of the

How to Diet on Thanksgiving

Argue with that relative you hate!

The anger and stress will have you reaching for the booze instead of the

The Devil Made Me Eat It

My raging appetite is like a randy man-whore constantly out on the prowl for his next piece of bootie.

Excess is never good, which is why I’ve tried to tame my lust for food with simple self-control. If I want cheesecake, I eat a slice instead of two. If I want ice cream, I have a scoop instead of three. If I’m craving pasta, I have one serving instead of several. My onsies food strategy worked and I looked svelte without the SPANX. 

Truth about Food Poisoning and Fine Dining

Tell me about your fine dining experience 🙂

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

Health, Excess and Holiday Stress

Thanksgiving took a toll on my body. I ate and drank as if it were the last day on earth.When I woke up Friday I found a note on my pillow.

***

Dear Lafemme,

By Tibor Végh (Tenerife 2010 124.JPG) [CC-BY-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

After months of eating healthy you finally cleansed your body of the toxins you’ve been polluting it with for most of your life. And in one day you ruined all that hard work by opening your pie hole to all that fatty food loaded with butter, eggs and who knows what else. To top it off, you imbibed so much booze that you were barely able to walk straight at the end of the night. What kind of way is that to treat your inner organs? Do you want to end up looking like a crazy chick version of this whale man on the beach?

Have you no shame?

Confessions of a Turkey

It’s Thanksgiving and turkeys are fearing for their lives again!

Before they’re roasted, deep fried, trussed and dressed these big birds make a pilgrimage to Fowlutopia, home of the St. Cluck Cathedral, a place where turkeys who want to go to Fowl Heaven will confess and be absolved of their sins.

Father Jack Turkey (FJT) who has been listening to turkey confessions is breaking his silence. What Father Jack Turkey knows about his own kind has been kept a secret from the human population but I’ve got the exclusive interview here:

Lafemme: You were recently involved in a scandal that caused your removal from St. Cluck. Can you tell us about that?

FJT: I was caught cross-species fornicating

How to Diet on Thanksgiving

Argue with that relative you hate!

The anger and stress will have you reaching for the booze instead of the

New Invention for Men and Their Schlongs

A product called Schlong Again aka “Penilitusmonami” is now rampant on the market without FDA approval! Invented by Dr. John Boy Penisless, Schlong Glue does as the name suggests … it glues back the schlongs of men whose tools of love have been “Lorena Bobbitted.”

Next time you see a new Schlong, check if it’s been previously dismembered by doing one of these 3 things: