How to Survive Blind Dates

You know friends are having a pity party for you when they start to set you up on blind dates. You can either say no and stay home or say yes and take a chance. I’ve had my share of blind date hell, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve given up on finding true love. In the meantime, here are some tips to keep in mind about blind dating.

Practice your poker face. Go in front of the mirror. Now imagine that your date looks like this guy. Now smile and say nice to meet you. Keep on practicing until your look of disgust transforms into a generic pleasantness. You’re in no position to judge him. Remember that looks are subjective. Another girl would probably think he’s a total hottie. Besides it’s not his fault he looks that way. What you should do is send your matchmaker friend an email virus for setting you up with a total “minzer.”

Carry a concealed weapon. You don’t know this guy. Crazies look and act normal on the outside, but they’re homicidal on the inside. You need protection just in case. Forget about pepper spray or taser guns. Looking for them inside your purse is like looking for your keys. And we all know what that’s like. You need to be a WELP (Woman with an Extremely Large Purse). Walloping your blind date with a purse full of books is a good way to defend yourself. The hardcover version of “Breakthrough” by Suzanne Summers combined with all the other thingamajigs you have in your purse can do some damage. But if you’re serious about self-protection then you’ll need a copy of the “Oxford English Dictionary.” He’ll be seeing stars when you whack him on the head with this lexicon. Tip: Aiming for the little head will have him talking like Mickey Mouse as he cowers away in pain.

Be cool. If your date turns out like this guy (fill in the blank face with your fantasy man), don’t get your panties in a bunch. There’s nothing worse than a woman with a constant I just hit the hunk lottery look on her face. Retain your composure even though your insides are turning cartwheels. He’s not yours–yet. Smile, be nice, and avoid talking about religion, politics and especially marriage. Let him do the talking (guys like that) and just nod your head (who cares if you disagree with him). There’s plenty of time to be yourself once you’ve hooked him.

 

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© 2017 Lafemmeroar

New Crazy Chick Diet

Hello Readers,

Disclaimer: This diet is very effective, but try it at your own risk or at the risk of your victim. Lafemmeroar should not be blamed, sued, or held responsible in the event that such risky tactics (albeit effective) result in the idea that it’s okay to abuse food in such a cavalier way.

Enjoy this funny cartoon…

1_The Purge

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Twisted Crossed Words and Coined Phrases

What do you get when you cross a cat and a dog?

A catty bitch

What’s a crazy person who thinks they’re sane?

A logical loon

What do you do when you see a woman with PMS?

Hide

What do you call a bath in the land of King Midas?

Golden Showers

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Inventive thoughts … from a Crazy Chick

Great inventions from great minds:

Popsicle: In 1905 Frank Epperson left his soft drink with a stirring stick inside it out in the cold and the next day voilà the “Eppsicle” now known as a popsicle was created.

**What do you get when you leave a horny dude out in the cold all night long? A Read more of this post

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