The Frenemy

Self-expression is the choice between satisfying the stirrings of my emotional conscience and burning bridges. Good

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behavior makes me feel like a soloist in a symphony with an indifferent, but hostile audience. Play flawlessly and the audience is silent, but hit a wrong note and receive hisses and jeers.

I don’t want to be difficult, disagreeable or MEAN, but I can be. I don’t want to be different for the sake of being unique, such contrivances are pedestrian antics of a lost soul. I’m no longer lost, but I haven’t reached my destination either. But I am/can be different because we cannot ALL BE THE SAME. In my circle of reality, I am the lone femme–single, never married and childless. 

I am an oxymoron moving within the flow of life. I go unnoticed and then a malfunction Read more of this post

The Man from Malutopia–A Story of Genital Proportions

In the world of Malutopia lived an alpha male named Zeuks Strong. From his swagger and his muscles to his talent in seduction, Zeuks represented all that is manly and good in Malutopia. Zeuks along with his fellows schlongers Dionassus, Pervinsky, and Dickends worked, played and lived up to the Malutopia philosophy: Spread your seed for your need to breed. Read more of this post

Revenge on a “Cheating Man”

Revenge can be HOT read on to find out!

Men love to objectify women and there is a “thing” called a real doll that men can have sex with if they have a couple of thousand bucks to throw down. She’s sexy. She’s beautiful. She never gets fat ’cause she can’t eat. She never talks back ’cause she can’t speak. She never complains, criticizes or judges ’cause she can’t think. She never threatens to leave ’cause she can’t walk. She can however, be positioned in anyway a SCHLONG would like ’cause she’s very dexterous and she won’t mind a threesome, a foursome or a gang bang.

Yes, she’s the perfect woman ’cause she’s made of plastic. But she can also do some “real damage” to a schlong. Imagine this: Read more of this post

The Crazy Chick Revenge

The Crazy Chick Revenge

Screen Shot 2011-10-31 at 10.59.16 PMHe’s hurt you. Your heart feels like hamburger meat that’s been thrown to the dogs and your self-esteem has gone on vacation on the lonely island of self-pity. We’ve all been through the hell of hurt by a bad SCHLONG. And yes, despite the benevolence of heart we try to embody, it feels damn good to ruminate on the malevolence of REVENGE.

I’ve often ruminated on the orgasmic thought of getting even. And if we didn’t have the police and if there weren’t such a thing as Karma, or a conscience—oh the things I would have liked to do to some of the SCHLONGS I’ve known.

Read more of this post

Embarrassing Celebrity and Political News

Lafemmeroar here giving you the latest malfunctions of the universe for your entertainment:

The Battle of Two Chefs

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Food Network star and reigning queen of butter Paula Deen recently received news that she is being sued by Anthony Bourdain, the infamous host of “No Reservations” on the Travel Channel. Bourdain alleges that Deen purposely sat on his right hand and broke it in five places during a press junket for the “Food is Good” documentary. “I heard it crack once her ass sat on it. How am I going to sign autographs now? What’s worse is that I use my right hand to flip people off.” Bourdain said to reporters. “This is what eating excessive amounts of butter will do to you and those around you,” Bourdain states.

Deen’s sons rallied around their mama with the oldest Jaime saying that Read more of this post

How to Make a Human Burrito

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Ingredients:

1 former BFF (preferably one who betrayed you and/or messed around with your ex)

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2 scotch bonnet peppers (one of the hottest on earth)

1 real strong and thick rope

1 bottle of wine (the cheaper the better)

1 neuromuscular blocking drug (date rape or those things they call a mickey–not the mouse)

1 king sized flat sheet

Instructions:

Invite your former BFF for drinks and tell her you want to bury the “hatchet.”

When she arrives offer her a drink.

Dump the pill in her glass and stir with your dirty middle finger. Make sure she doesn’t see you do this.

Make sure she drinks the whole thing and offer her another for good measure.

Wait about five minutes. You’ll know that the pill has taken effect when she has that duh look in her eyes and her whole body is paralyzed. Don’t worry she’ll still be conscious as it’s best to keep the ingredient “aware” for the next step.

Slice the scotch bonnets in half.

You may rant during this process as the victim ingredient will be fully conscious and you might as well tell her what you really think. After all, her pie hole is paralyzed so she won’t be able to talk back.

Marinate her eyes by rubbing them with the peppers.

Wrap her in the sheet making sure to tuck the ends under as you roll. Then tie her up like you would a stuffed pork tenderloin.

Once you’ve got her nice and bundled up put her in the trunk of your car.

Drive to the nearest steel mill (make sure this step is done in the middle of the night) and dump the body burrito in a big vat of liquid steel.

Then high tail it outta there and hope that no one saw you.

Enjoy

Disclaimer: The above recipe is for entertainment purposes only.  Any similarity of the first ingredient to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Lafemmeroar is not to be held liable or responsible for any consequences, injuries, or fatalities that may occur in the “execution” of this recipe.

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

The Man from Malutopia–Love Button Twitchings and Confusions #2

Part #1: This is the metamorphosis of a man who turns into a woman in a world dominated by men.

Zelda knew the schlongs would come back, and make her the queen of their schlong bang, but not before they contacted their leader Zeuks to join in on the fun. How ironic that a day ago Zeuks was the banger and now his schlonglessness would make him the “bangee.” The events of the day put a heavy toll in his her psyche for Zelda despite her newly formed “femmeness” still harbored a lot of alpha-maleness in her mind. All this was too confusing and stressful. In times of stress Zeuks spanked the schlong, but since Zeuks is now Zelda there was no schlong to spank.

But there is a love button behind the folds and he was an expert at rubbing that. So Zelda lay down on the bed and proceeded with de-stressing her mind. After a long while of rubbing and tugging her love button Zelda found Read more of this post

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