How to Survive Blind Dates

You know friends are having a pity party for you when they start to set you up on blind dates. You can either say no and stay home or say yes and take a chance. I’ve had my share of blind date hell, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve given up on finding true love. In the meantime, here are some tips to keep in mind about blind dating.

Practice your poker face. Go in front of the mirror. Now imagine that your date looks like this guy. Now smile and say nice to meet you. Keep on practicing until your look of disgust transforms into a generic pleasantness. You’re in no position to judge him. Remember that looks are subjective. Another girl would probably think he’s a total hottie. Besides it’s not his fault he looks that way. What you should do is send your matchmaker friend an email virus for setting you up with a total “minzer.”

Carry a concealed weapon. You don’t know this guy. Crazies look and act normal on the outside, but they’re homicidal on the inside. You need protection just in case. Forget about pepper spray or taser guns. Looking for them inside your purse is like looking for your keys. And we all know what that’s like. You need to be a WELP (Woman with an Extremely Large Purse). Walloping your blind date with a purse full of books is a good way to defend yourself. The hardcover version of “Breakthrough” by Suzanne Summers combined with all the other thingamajigs you have in your purse can do some damage. But if you’re serious about self-protection then you’ll need a copy of the “Oxford English Dictionary.” He’ll be seeing stars when you whack him on the head with this lexicon. Tip: Aiming for the little head will have him talking like Mickey Mouse as he cowers away in pain.

Be cool. If your date turns out like this guy (fill in the blank face with your fantasy man), don’t get your panties in a bunch. There’s nothing worse than a woman with a constant I just hit the hunk lottery look on her face. Retain your composure even though your insides are turning cartwheels. He’s not yours–yet. Smile, be nice, and avoid talking about religion, politics and especially marriage. Let him do the talking (guys like that) and just nod your head (who cares if you disagree with him). There’s plenty of time to be yourself once you’ve hooked him.

 

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© 2017 Lafemmeroar

Being Sad Sucks

Dear Readers,

Lately I have been thinking that I’m a rather insensitive person. I laugh at the malfunction of the universe because it’s better than crying about it … I say it all the time because … frankly …

being sad sucks…

But I just realized that I haven’t really had a deep thoughtful cry in a very long time. And as “light” as I try to be on this blog, I must admit that my mind is a twisted knot of convolutions most of the time. So … I’ve been asking myself why I react and do certain things the way I do …

I’m a crazy chick when I’m at my best … but is that it? Is it enough to live life always looking at the bright side or the funny side of things? Love? Life? Loss? Relationships? I don’t know … 

I know I’m being nebulous, but … I’m cryptic and private that way.

I’ve been so comfortable in not feeling sad that perhaps I’ve given up on true joy? I mean in the most deep soul-filling way …? I don’t know. I just keep telling myself that being sad sucks … and I haven’t been sad in a long time. 

So I repeat … lately I’ve been feeling rather off balance as if I’m on the verge of … I don’t know what … maybe I don’t want to know. All I know is that struggling doesn’t make one strong … but it does make one understand better. I want to understand myself better … I want to understand people better … I want to understand you better … I want to be more emphatic … sensitive … and I think this requires a bit of letting oneself face the firing squad.

Here’s hoping that the firing squad are bad shots …

I think I need to feed my soul with writing instead of cocktails tonight …

Be well … my friends.

All my best,

L

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© 2013 Lafemmeroar

Sexual Manifesto of a Single Woman

Sexual Manifesto of a Single Woman. An old post that new readers might enjoy 🙂

I refuse to be promiscuous. I’m a serial monogamist and I can still count my partners in my head even though I’d like to forget about some of them.

I refuse to pay for sex, but I’ve paid in non-monetary ways through aggravation, misery, heartache and time.

I believe in ladies first. Selfish men are made forreal dolls not real women.

I don’t mind bondage so long as I’m the one with the free hands and feet.  Read more of this post

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