Fantasy Guy versus Real Guy

• Fantasy guy smells good.  Real guy farts out the chili he had for lunch.

• Fantasy guy is well groomed. Real guy cuts his nails and lets the clippings drop to the floor.

• Fantasy guy knows fine cuisine. Real guy puts the fries in his hamburger then dips the whole thing in bbq sauce.

• Fantasy guy buys tampons for you. Real guy says “ARE YOU F#*+#&G CRAZY!!!!!” and tosses you a roll of toilet paper.

• Fantasy guy buys you flowers. Real guy thinks flowers are a waste of money.

• Fantasy guy gives you oral sex. Real guy says “I’ll do you if you do me first” then once he gets his happy ending he doesn’t bother to return the “favor.”

• Fantasy guy is a billionaire. Real guy makes you pay for your dinner.

Fantasy Guy versus Real Guy

• Fantasy guy smells good.  Real guy farts out the chili he had for lunch.

• Fantasy guy is well groomed. Real guy cuts his nails and lets the clippings drop to the floor.

• Fantasy guy knows fine cuisine. Real guy puts the fries in his hamburger then dips the whole thing in bbq sauce.

• Fantasy guy buys tampons for you. Real guy says “ARE YOU F#*+#&G CRAZY!!!!!” and tosses you a roll of toilet paper.

• Fantasy guy buys you flowers. Real guy thinks flowers are a waste of money.

• Fantasy guy gives you oral sex. Real guy says “I’ll do you if you do me first” then once he gets his happy ending he doesn’t bother to return the “favor.”

• Fantasy guy is a billionaire. Real guy makes you pay for your dinner.

• Fantasy guy buys you lingerie at Victoria’s Secret. Real guy takes you to the 99 cent store.

• Fantasy guy never looks at other women. Real guy has eye radar for any tit (real or fake) and ass (big or small) that passes by!

• Fantasy guy loves your curves. Real guy wants an anorexic.

• Fantasy guy watches Lifetime movies with you. Real guy watches ESPN 24/7.

• Fantasy guy hates strip clubs. Real guy walks into a strip club and they all know him by name “Regular.”

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© 2014 Lafemmeroar

10 Signs That He’s Mr. Wrong

Here are 10 signs that say the guy you’re with is NOT the guy for YOU:

1. The word “commitment” isn’t in his vocabulary: But he knows how to say “no strings sex” and “I need to see other people” in 5 different languages. 

2. He’s still looking for himself: If he’s lost, then you’ll never find love with him.

3. He’s exactly like your ex-boyfriend: This one is a no-brainer … DUH!

4. His words don’t match his actions: He says you’re the only woman for him, while his eyes fixate on the blonde bombshell and her knockers.

5. You don’t speak the same language: You say potato–he says potaTOH. You say relationship–he says bootie call. Oh just call the whole thing off.

Haunted by Past Relationships

My track record in relationships hasn’t been stellar.

The ghost of Christmas Past woke me up one night

to haunt me about the way I treated my ex-boyfriends.

I guess he wanted me to see the error of my ways.