Fantasy Guy versus Real Guy

• Fantasy guy smells good.  Real guy farts out the chili he had for lunch.

• Fantasy guy is well groomed. Real guy cuts his nails and lets the clippings drop to the floor.

• Fantasy guy knows fine cuisine. Real guy puts the fries in his hamburger then dips the whole thing in bbq sauce.

• Fantasy guy buys tampons for you. Real guy says “ARE YOU F#*+#&G CRAZY!!!!!” and tosses you a roll of toilet paper.

• Fantasy guy buys you flowers. Real guy thinks flowers are a waste of money.

• Fantasy guy gives you oral sex. Real guy says “I’ll do you if you do me first” then once he gets his happy ending he doesn’t bother to return the “favor.”

• Fantasy guy is a billionaire. Real guy makes you pay for your dinner.

Fantasy Guy versus Real Guy

• Fantasy guy smells good.  Real guy farts out the chili he had for lunch.

• Fantasy guy is well groomed. Real guy cuts his nails and lets the clippings drop to the floor.

• Fantasy guy knows fine cuisine. Real guy puts the fries in his hamburger then dips the whole thing in bbq sauce.

• Fantasy guy buys tampons for you. Real guy says “ARE YOU F#*+#&G CRAZY!!!!!” and tosses you a roll of toilet paper.

• Fantasy guy buys you flowers. Real guy thinks flowers are a waste of money.

• Fantasy guy gives you oral sex. Real guy says “I’ll do you if you do me first” then once he gets his happy ending he doesn’t bother to return the “favor.”

• Fantasy guy is a billionaire. Real guy makes you pay for your dinner.

• Fantasy guy buys you lingerie at Victoria’s Secret. Real guy takes you to the 99 cent store.

• Fantasy guy never looks at other women. Real guy has eye radar for any tit (real or fake) and ass (big or small) that passes by!

• Fantasy guy loves your curves. Real guy wants an anorexic.

• Fantasy guy watches Lifetime movies with you. Real guy watches ESPN 24/7.

• Fantasy guy hates strip clubs. Real guy walks into a strip club and they all know him by name “Regular.”

Get the CCC Badge

Join the Crazy Chicks Club

Join the Crazy Freaks Club

Join the B.A.D Club

© 2014 Lafemmeroar

10 Signs That He’s Mr. Wrong

Here are 10 signs that say the guy you’re with is NOT the guy for YOU:

1. The word “commitment” isn’t in his vocabulary: But he knows how to say “no strings sex” and “I need to see other people” in 5 different languages. 

2. He’s still looking for himself: If he’s lost, then you’ll never find love with him.

3. He’s exactly like your ex-boyfriend: This one is a no-brainer … DUH!

4. His words don’t match his actions: He says you’re the only woman for him, while his eyes fixate on the blonde bombshell and her knockers.

5. You don’t speak the same language: You say potato–he says potaTOH. You say relationship–he says bootie call. Oh just call the whole thing off.

Signs that you grew up in a dysfunctional home

Hello Dear Readers,

We’re all a little crazy because many of us grew up in less than stellar homes. So, I thought I’d make this list for you. If you answer yes to at least five things on this list, then you belong to that oh so special group of people who survived the hell that was their childhood.

1. When you asked for permission, your father said “go ask your mother” and when you did she said “go ask your father.” And when you asked them together, they whacked you on the head for bothering them.

2. Alcohol was a staple item at mealtimes like dinner rolls.

3. Your parents spiked their coffee.

4. Your parents spiked your milk bottle.

5. You learned how to lie at a very young age–beats a beating!

6. When other kids drew sunshine and flowers next to their parents, you drew skull and bones.

7. You call your boyfriend “Big Daddy.”

8. Your parents told you the world is shit and you took it literally until you realized it was a metaphor.

9. You thought “boundaries” meant locking yourself in a room to fantasize about an “alternate reality.”

10. You thought all mothers ran around the house screaming what her life would have been like if she never met your father.

11. You thought “Bitch” meant “Mom.”

12. And “Motherf&#*%#” meant “Dad.”

Haunted by Past Relationships

My track record in relationships hasn’t been stellar.

The ghost of Christmas Past woke me up one night

to haunt me about the way I treated my ex-boyfriends.

I guess he wanted me to see the error of my ways.

How to Get out of a Bad Relationship

As a single, never been married Crazy Chick I am the self-proclaimed expert on relationship exorcisms. I have performed many and I’ve helped other chicks as well 🙂

You need a relationship exorcism when:

♦ you’ve become a zombie because his mind has taken over your whole being

♦ he’s turned from being your friend and lover to being your tormentor

♦ he thinks you’re a punching bag

♦ your credit card is maxed out from charges he made to P.O.R.N. (P@ssy Open and Ready Now)

How to Conduct a Relationship Exorcism

As a single, never been married Crazy Chick I am the self-proclaimed expert on relationship exorcisms. I have performed many and I’ve helped other chicks as well 🙂

You need a relationship exorcism when:

♦ you’ve become a zombie because his mind has taken over your whole being

♦ he’s turned from being your friend and lover to being your tormentor

♦ he thinks you’re a punching bag

♦ your credit card is maxed out from charges he made to P.O.R.N. (P@ssy Open and Ready Now)