The Consequences of Bad Habits
August 28, 2013 8 Comments
How to Get out of a Bad Relationship
July 18, 2013 17 Comments
As a single, never been married Crazy Chick I am the self-proclaimed expert on relationship exorcisms. I have performed many and I’ve helped other chicks as well 🙂
You need a relationship exorcism when:
♦ you’ve become a zombie because his mind has taken over your whole being
♦ he’s turned from being your friend and lover to being your tormentor
♦ he thinks you’re a punching bag
♦ your credit card is maxed out from charges he made to P.O.R.N. (P@ssy Open and Ready Now) Read more of this post
Revenge on a “Cheating Man”
July 6, 2013 26 Comments
Revenge can be HOT read on to find out!
Men love to objectify women and there is a “thing” called a real doll that men can have sex with if they have a couple of thousand bucks to throw down. She’s sexy. She’s beautiful. She never gets fat ’cause she can’t eat. She never talks back ’cause she can’t speak. She never complains, criticizes or judges ’cause she can’t think. She never threatens to leave ’cause she can’t walk. She can however, be positioned in anyway a SCHLONG would like ’cause she’s very dexterous and she won’t mind a threesome, a foursome or a gang bang.
Yes, she’s the perfect woman ’cause she’s made of plastic. But she can also do some “real damage” to a schlong. Imagine this: Read more of this post
The Crazy Chick Revenge
June 24, 2013 14 Comments
The Crazy Chick Revenge
He’s hurt you. Your heart feels like hamburger meat that’s been thrown to the dogs and your self-esteem has gone on vacation on the lonely island of self-pity. We’ve all been through the hell of hurt by a bad SCHLONG. And yes, despite the benevolence of heart we try to embody, it feels damn good to ruminate on the malevolence of REVENGE.
I’ve often ruminated on the orgasmic thought of getting even. And if we didn’t have the police and if there weren’t such a thing as Karma, or a conscience—oh the things I would have liked to do to some of the SCHLONGS I’ve known.
How to Conduct a Relationship Exorcism
November 28, 2012 44 Comments
As a single, never been married Crazy Chick I am the self-proclaimed expert on relationship exorcisms. I have performed many and I’ve helped other chicks as well 🙂
You need a relationship exorcism when:
♦ you’ve become a zombie because his mind has taken over your whole being
♦ he’s turned from being your friend and lover to being your tormentor
♦ he thinks you’re a punching bag
♦ your credit card is maxed out from charges he made to P.O.R.N. (P@ssy Open and Ready Now) Read more of this post
The Gag Order – Lafemmeroarism #13
April 23, 2012 33 Comments
When the law can’t help you, then you must help yourself.
“This is what happens when you put a MARRIED SCHLONG IN YOUR MOUTH.”
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© 2011 Lafemmeroar
Schlongisms #1
December 16, 2011 29 Comments
When your pecker gets a woody
for another Chick Read more of this post
Jesse James Relationship Outlaw or Medical Phenomenon?
November 14, 2011 64 Comments
Lafemmeroar here again with the latest crazy celebrity news and gossip that is just too juicy to be true:
Jesse James (JJ) cheated on America’s sweetheart Sandra Bullock and when she booted him to the curb, he went on to find love with tattoo queen Kat Von D, but that didn’t last either when she found out he’s been swinging his schlong to other “glorious holes.” A recent report by Schlong Swing Online states that JJ cheated on Kat with nineteen different women during their relationship. But JJ denies this and to prove his innocence, he submitted to a lie detector test and to everyone’s surprise JJ passed with flying colors. When asked how he pulled it off JJ stated, “I did not cheat on Kat. My schlong was true to her.”
Well folks JJ’s private physician Dr. Drew Penilehickey reveals that Read more of this post
Itchy Private Parts
October 17, 2011 43 Comments
Lafemmeroar here with another bit of news from an alternate universe:
Itchy Private Parts.
Wikimedia Commons--TechCrunch50-2008
Ashton Kutcher addressed the temporary insanity that overcame his noggin during his involvement with big mouth tartlet Sara Leal. “I had an itch that needed scratching and now I’m sorry to say that the itch continues because the antibiotics aren’t working. That woman is a walking bacteria that infected my marriage. I plan to seek treatment and will be checking into the “Tail Between My Legs Center for Wayward Schlongs,” says the remorseful “Two and a Half Men” star. The alleged cause of the itch Sara Leal was unavailable for comment but sources confirm that she was seen entering a free clinic on Hollywood Blvd while avidly scratching her twatty Read more of this post
How to Make a Human Burrito
October 7, 2011 32 Comments
Wikimedia Commons
Ingredients:
1 former BFF (preferably one who betrayed you and/or messed around with your ex)
Wikimedia Commons
2 scotch bonnet peppers (one of the hottest on earth)
1 real strong and thick rope
1 bottle of wine (the cheaper the better)
1 neuromuscular blocking drug (date rape or those things they call a mickey–not the mouse)
1 king sized flat sheet
Instructions:
Invite your former BFF for drinks and tell her you want to bury the “hatchet.”
When she arrives offer her a drink.
Dump the pill in her glass and stir with your dirty middle finger. Make sure she doesn’t see you do this.
Make sure she drinks the whole thing and offer her another for good measure.
Wait about five minutes. You’ll know that the pill has taken effect when she has that duh look in her eyes and her whole body is paralyzed. Don’t worry she’ll still be conscious as it’s best to keep the ingredient “aware” for the next step.
Slice the scotch bonnets in half.
You may rant during this process as the victim ingredient will be fully conscious and you might as well tell her what you really think. After all, her pie hole is paralyzed so she won’t be able to talk back.
Marinate her eyes by rubbing them with the peppers.
Wrap her in the sheet making sure to tuck the ends under as you roll. Then tie her up like you would a stuffed pork tenderloin.
Once you’ve got her nice and bundled up put her in the trunk of your car.
Drive to the nearest steel mill (make sure this step is done in the middle of the night) and dump the body burrito in a big vat of liquid steel.
Then high tail it outta there and hope that no one saw you.
Enjoy
Disclaimer: The above recipe is for entertainment purposes only. Any similarity of the first ingredient to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Lafemmeroar is not to be held liable or responsible for any consequences, injuries, or fatalities that may occur in the “execution” of this recipe.
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© 2011 Lafemmeroar
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