What to Expect When You’re Single

Wikimedia Commons/Life.com

Life is a daily surprise. Just when you think you’ve got your future planned, fate throws in a monkey wrench wrecking the synchronicity of your world order. If you thought that you’d find your true love by now, but it hasn’t happened yet, don’t fret. I can’t predict your life expectancy, but I can predict what you can expect when you are single.

Life Expectancies of the Single Woman

Wikimedia Commons/Life.com

Life is a daily surprise. Just when you think you’ve got your future planned, fate throws in a monkey wrench wrecking the synchronicity of your world order. If you thought that you’d find your true love by now, but it hasn’t happened yet, don’t fret. I can’t predict your life expectancy, but I can predict what you can expect when you are single.

How to Get out of a Bad Relationship

As a single, never been married Crazy Chick I am the self-proclaimed expert on relationship exorcisms. I have performed many and I’ve helped other chicks as well 🙂

You need a relationship exorcism when:

♦ you’ve become a zombie because his mind has taken over your whole being

♦ he’s turned from being your friend and lover to being your tormentor

♦ he thinks you’re a punching bag

♦ your credit card is maxed out from charges he made to P.O.R.N. (P@ssy Open and Ready Now)

Love, Betrayal and Venereal Disease over Cocktails

I had drinks with two friends from high school “E” and “N” the other day. After a round of drinks the talk as always, when three crazy chicks get together, got into relationships. Since my love life is as dry as the Sahara desert on a drought and “N‘s” been married forever, which is why she’s more interested in tech gadgets these days, the conversation turned to “E‘s” love life. Here’s the DL.

She dated this guy who gave her his email password so she can check on their hotel reservations for an upcoming vacation. First of all SCHLONGS never give a chick your password unless you REALLY have nothing to hide. Well … so what’s a girl to do with all access to her boyfriend’s email? Well …

“SNOOPYMAIL” of course”

Searching

Many lives have been crossed

In time, In space, In search

Of the haunting unknown

Whether it be cruel

Gracious or unfeeling

Being Sad Sucks

Dear Readers,

Lately I have been thinking that I’m a rather insensitive person. I laugh at the malfunction of the universe because it’s better than crying about it … I say it all the time because … frankly …

being sad sucks…

But I just realized that I haven’t really had a deep thoughtful cry in a very long time. And as “light” as I try to be on this blog, I must admit that my mind is a twisted knot of convolutions most of the time. So … I’ve been asking myself why I react and do certain things the way I do …

I’m a crazy chick when I’m at my best … but is that it? Is it enough to live life always looking at the bright side or the funny side of things? Love? Life? Loss? Relationships? I don’t know … 

I know I’m being nebulous, but … I’m cryptic and private that way.

I’ve been so comfortable in not feeling sad that perhaps I’ve given up on true joy? I mean in the most deep soul-filling way …? I don’t know. I just keep telling myself that being sad sucks … and I haven’t been sad in a long time. 

So I repeat … lately I’ve been feeling rather off balance as if I’m on the verge of … I don’t know what … maybe I don’t want to know. All I know is that struggling doesn’t make one strong … but it does make one understand better. I want to understand myself better … I want to understand people better … I want to understand you better … I want to be more emphatic … sensitive … and I think this requires a bit of letting oneself face the firing squad.

Here’s hoping that the firing squad are bad shots …

I think I need to feed my soul with writing instead of cocktails tonight …

Be well … my friends.

All my best,

L

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© 2013 Lafemmeroar

Here Come the Girls

Here’s a guest post from my good friend Phil from For Singles and Couples blog. He’s going to share some tips for us Crazy Chicks … ENJOY! 🙂

Here come the girls…

Another year has flown by and for all the highlights and low points which have occurred we’re now back round to ‘holiday season.’
It’s usually a time with emphasis on family, with the women ‘usually’ doing the ‘lion’s share’ of planning and preparation to host family, relatives, in-laws and friends.

New Year’s Eve is just around the corner and whether you’re going to Times Square or Trafalgar Square, a house party or a club…wherever you plan to spend it, it’s a time when people generally don’t want to be alone.

Holiday Colonic

Ever had a conversation and the chat just digressed to sex? Well … I was talking to a friend about getting hydrotherapy after the holidays. Here’s how it went:

Me: I think I’m going to do hydrotherapy after the holidays.

Him: What’s that?

Me: When you get water shot up your bum!

Him: Bleech!

Me: You have lots of toxic stuff in your gut!

Him: Well I’m not getting anything going up my butt!

Me: You should … you’re probably full of shit as we speak.

Crazy Chick vs. Normal Chick

Normal Chick: Do you think I’m fat?

Crazy Chick: No, but you need a new mirror, that one is a liar

♥♥♥

Normal Chick: I can’t live without him! Why did he leave me. My life is over …. boohoo, boohoo, boohoo …

Crazy Chick: Think of this as

Lies, lies, lies …

The best and the smartest have been victims of duplicity.

There are real good liars out there …

and there are some real good believers of lies.

It happens to the BEST and to the WORST of us.

Here are some example of how to detect when someone is “Pinocchionizing” you: