Ready to Rumble at the Airport

I picked up a friend at the airport and almost got into a fight. This is how it went down.

I saw her waiting for me at the passenger pick up curb of LAX. I parked the car, popped the hood and got out to help her with her luggage. She grabbed one end I grabbed another but we couldn’t hoist the ton of bricks into my trunk.  She either packed a dead body or slabs of concrete because that sucker was heavy. My friend weighs about five pounds and how she got that lug from the baggage claim to the trolley was a mystery to me. We struggled for another minute until I told her that we should take out some of the contents to lighten it up. She searched her purse for the luggage keys but she couldn’t find it.

It’s summer in Los Angeles. I’d broken a sweat and my temper’s flaring Read more of this post

Confessions of a former snooper

When Pandora’s opened the jar, she unleashed all sorts of horror and evil on mankind. Have you ever been as curious as Pandora? Have you ever had that compunction to open a friend’s medicine chest? Have you ever found yourself alone in your boyfriend’s place rummaged through his drawers?  Have you ever been so curious that you invaded someone’s privacy? If curiosity killed the cat what did your curiosity do to you?

In my youth I was a snoop. Although, I likened myself to be more of an investigator of mysteries. When my parents thought I was tucked in and snoozing I was lurking and snooping. As a teen, I read a friend’s letter and found out that she was Read more of this post

Perks of Booze

There’s nothing wrong with an occasional cocktail… 

What's in a Woman's Mind

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How to Survive Blind Dates

You know friends are having a pity party for you when they start to set you up on blind dates. You can either say no and stay home or say yes and take a chance. I’ve had my share of blind date hell, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve given up on finding true love. In the meantime, here are some tips to keep in mind about blind dating.

Practice your poker face. Go in front of the mirror. Now imagine that your date looks like this guy. Now smile and say nice to meet you. Keep on practicing until your look of disgust transforms into a generic pleasantness. You’re in no position to judge him. Remember that looks are subjective. Another girl would probably think he’s a total hottie. Besides it’s not his fault he looks that way. What you should do is send your matchmaker friend an email virus for setting you up with a total “minzer.”

Carry a concealed weapon. You don’t know this guy. Crazies look and act normal on the outside, but they’re homicidal on the inside. You need protection just in case. Forget about pepper spray or taser guns. Looking for them inside your purse is like looking for your keys. And we all know what that’s like. You need to be a WELP (Woman with an Extremely Large Purse). Walloping your blind date with a purse full of books is a good way to defend yourself. The hardcover version of “Breakthrough” by Suzanne Summers combined with all the other thingamajigs you have in your purse can do some damage. But if you’re serious about self-protection then you’ll need a copy of the “Oxford English Dictionary.” He’ll be seeing stars when you whack him on the head with this lexicon. Tip: Aiming for the little head will have him talking like Mickey Mouse as he cowers away in pain.

Be cool. If your date turns out like this guy (fill in the blank face with your fantasy man), don’t get your panties in a bunch. There’s nothing worse than a woman with a constant I just hit the hunk lottery look on her face. Retain your composure even though your insides are turning cartwheels. He’s not yours–yet. Smile, be nice, and avoid talking about religion, politics and especially marriage. Let him do the talking (guys like that) and just nod your head (who cares if you disagree with him). There’s plenty of time to be yourself once you’ve hooked him.

 

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Christmas Gift from Santa

Every year I ask Santa to give me something really good for Christmas. After all … I try to be good (in my own way) all year long and I should be rewarded for my deeds …shouldn’t I????

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How Santa Can Make Christmas Suck

Every year I wish for Santa to give me something really good for Christmas. After all … I try to be good (in my own way) all year long and I should be rewarded for that …shouldn’t I????

What do you think Crazy Chicks?

1_christmas

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Office Trash

mybacksideopendoorpolicy

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