December 1, 2014 6 Comments
October 16, 2014 11 Comments
Wonder no more. I’m here to give you the 101:
A man who criticizes the size of a woman’s ass is actually criticizing the shortcomings of his schlong.
A man who says “I can do better than you” is actually saying “I’m not good enough for you.”
When he says “I think we should see other people” what he means is that he wants to catch an STD, but he doesn’t want to give it to you.
When you see “your new guy” in an awkward moment and he shrugs you off by saying Read more of this post
September 25, 2014 12 Comments
Fantasy guy smells good. Real guy farts out the chili he had for lunch.
Fantasy guy is well groomed. Real guy cuts his nails and lets the clippings drop to the floor.
Fantasy guy knows fine cuisine. Real guy puts the fries in his hamburger then dips the whole thing in bbq sauce.
Fantasy guy buys tampons for you. Real guy says “ARE YOU F#*+#&G CRAZY!!!!!” and tosses you a roll of toilet paper.
Fantasy guy buys you flowers. Real guy thinks flowers are a waste of money.
Fantasy guy gives you oral sex. Real guy says “I’ll do you if you do me first” then once he gets his happy ending he doesn’t bother to return the “favor.”
Fantasy guy is a billionaire. Real guy makes you pay for your dinner.
Fantasy guy buys you lingerie at Victoria’s Secret. Real guy takes you to the 99 cent store.
Fantasy guy never looks at other women. Real guy has eye radar for any tit (real or fake) and ass (big or small) that passes by!
Fantasy guy loves your curves. Real guy wants an anorexic.
Fantasy guy watches Lifetime movies with you. Real guy watches ESPN 24/7.
Fantasy guy hates strip clubs. Real guy walks into a strip club and they all know him by name “Regular.”
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© 2014 Lafemmeroar
September 18, 2014 17 Comments
The word “commitment” isn’t in his vocabulary: But he knows how to say “no strings sex” and “I need to see other people” in 5 different languages.
He’s still looking for himself: If he’s lost, then you’ll never find love with him.
He’s exactly like your ex-boyfriend: This one is a no-brainer … DUH!
His words don’t match his actions: He says you’re the only woman for him, while his eyes fixate on the blonde bombshell and her knockers.
You don’t speak the same language: You say potato–he says potaTOH. You say relationship–he says bootie call. Oh just call the whole thing off. Read more of this post
September 16, 2014 6 Comments
Setting: Her apartment.
Time: The first date.
Him: Wow. You look great.
Her: Thanks. Give me a sec. I just need to throw out the trash then we can go.
Him: I’ll do that.
Her: Really? Are you sure?
Him: I don’t mind.
Her: How sweet.
The Relationship Phase: Read more of this post
September 15, 2014 7 Comments
Life is a daily surprise. Just when you think you’ve got your future planned, fate throws in a monkey wrench wrecking the synchronicity of your world order. If you thought that you’d find your true love by now, but it hasn’t happened yet, don’t fret. I can’t predict your life expectancy, but I can predict what you can expect when you are single. Read more of this post