Fantasy Guy versus Real Guy

• Fantasy guy smells good.  Real guy farts out the chili he had for lunch.

• Fantasy guy is well groomed. Real guy cuts his nails and lets the clippings drop to the floor.

• Fantasy guy knows fine cuisine. Real guy puts the fries in his hamburger then dips the whole thing in bbq sauce.

• Fantasy guy buys tampons for you. Real guy says “ARE YOU F#*+#&G CRAZY!!!!!” and tosses you a roll of toilet paper.

• Fantasy guy buys you flowers. Real guy thinks flowers are a waste of money.

• Fantasy guy gives you oral sex. Real guy says “I’ll do you if you do me first” then once he gets his happy ending he doesn’t bother to return the “favor.”

• Fantasy guy is a billionaire. Real guy makes you pay for your dinner.

The Blatant Truth

She might look calm, but think again!

Do you believe in equal rights for women? This one believes in “tit for tat.”

Fantasy Guy versus Real Guy

• Fantasy guy smells good.  Real guy farts out the chili he had for lunch.

• Fantasy guy is well groomed. Real guy cuts his nails and lets the clippings drop to the floor.

• Fantasy guy knows fine cuisine. Real guy puts the fries in his hamburger then dips the whole thing in bbq sauce.

• Fantasy guy buys tampons for you. Real guy says “ARE YOU F#*+#&G CRAZY!!!!!” and tosses you a roll of toilet paper.

• Fantasy guy buys you flowers. Real guy thinks flowers are a waste of money.

• Fantasy guy gives you oral sex. Real guy says “I’ll do you if you do me first” then once he gets his happy ending he doesn’t bother to return the “favor.”

• Fantasy guy is a billionaire. Real guy makes you pay for your dinner.

• Fantasy guy buys you lingerie at Victoria’s Secret. Real guy takes you to the 99 cent store.

• Fantasy guy never looks at other women. Real guy has eye radar for any tit (real or fake) and ass (big or small) that passes by!

• Fantasy guy loves your curves. Real guy wants an anorexic.

• Fantasy guy watches Lifetime movies with you. Real guy watches ESPN 24/7.

• Fantasy guy hates strip clubs. Real guy walks into a strip club and they all know him by name “Regular.”

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© 2014 Lafemmeroar

Trash Talk in Relationships

The Courting Phase:

Setting: Her apartment.

Time: The first date.

Him: Wow. You look great.

Her: Thanks. Give me a sec. I just need to throw out the trash then we can go.

Him: I’ll do that.

Her: Really? Are you sure?

Him: I don’t mind.

Her: How sweet.

Him: Anytime.

The Relationship Phase:

From Hell to Pleasure–A Poem

Oh no! Save me!

 

{Dear Friends … it’s been a while, so here’s a re-post of a poem in honor of Halloween}

Twas all Hallows Eve and all through the house

I heard creepy noises could it be a mouse?

I checked all the rooms and down through the hall

Then I heard it tap tapping right through the wall

My heart filled with fright and I ran to the door

Ready to scream then I tripped on the floor

I lifted my head and out came a creature

It looked like a monster from some sci-fi feature

Having Fun with Someecards–Crazy Captions about Life

She might look calm, but think again!

Do you believe in equal rights for women? This one believes in “tit for tat.”

Thoughts about the World from a Crazy Chick

Although I always say that laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it, I must admit that I just can’t laugh when my noodle twists and ponders about the mysteries of the world. That is until I was able to answer them with satisfaction:

Married for the Wrong Reason

Marriages can be “divorced”

but a gift with a receipt is returnable

and you can even get cash back… (sigh)

Did you get married for the right reason?

Get the CCC Badge

Join the Crazy Chicks Club

Join the Crazy Freaks Club

Join the B.A.D Club

© 2011 Lafemmeroar

The Consequences of Bad Habits

Controlling your “desires” is a cheap solution to an expensive divorce. 

Get the CCC Badge

Join the Crazy Chicks Club

Join the Crazy Freaks Club

Join the B.A.D Club

© 2011 Lafemmeroar

Trash Talk in Relationships

The Courting Phase:

Setting: Her apartment.

Time: The first date.

Him: Wow. You look great.

Her: Thanks. Give me a sec. I just need to throw out the trash then we can go.

Him: I’ll do that.

Her: Really? Are you sure?

Him: I don’t mind.

Her: How sweet.

Him: Anytime.

The Relationship Phase: