The Crazy Chick Revenge

The Crazy Chick Revenge

Screen Shot 2011-10-31 at 10.59.16 PMHe’s hurt you. Your heart feels like hamburger meat that’s been thrown to the dogs and your self-esteem has gone on vacation on the lonely island of self-pity. We’ve all been through the hell of hurt by a bad SCHLONG. And yes, despite the benevolence of heart we try to embody, it feels damn good to ruminate on the malevolence of REVENGE.

I’ve often ruminated on the orgasmic thought of getting even. And if we didn’t have the police and if there weren’t such a thing as Karma, or a conscience—oh the things I would have liked to do to some of the SCHLONGS I’ve known.

Read more of this post

I Don’t Need a Man

I was talking to my friend the other day and I mentioned that I’d been in a rather moody mood. When was the last time you got any he asked. Any what? (I was playing dumb) You know … sex … he said. Oh that …Well that’s kind of a tricky question I said. That means no he said and added that’s because you’re a dragon lady.

I couldn’t argue with him on that one … it’s not the first time I’ve been called a “fire breather.” Read more of this post

Private Celebration

When Medea’s husband

mysteriously” disappeared,

she cried in public,

but this is what

she did in private. Read more of this post

How you can tell that a man loves you

two heartsHe likes your “muffin top.”

He kisses you on the cheek when you’re doing the dishes.

You’re a stinky mess and he still wants to do it.

He gives you “thoughtful” gifts just because.

He notices the small things like how you curl your toes when you laugh.

His eyebrows lift up when he Read more of this post

Advice for Bad Men

A fellow blogger named Eric is such a fan of my “whacky” blog that he took it upon himself to write today’s post. Make sure to visit his blog http://ericmvogt.wordpress.com. He writes poetry and short stories 🙂

♦♦♦♦

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Lafemme. She kept getting approached by tall, dark handsome men. They would go out for a while and then turn into schlongs. Then she finally decided that it was just not worth it to be a schlong magnet. She would make some money off of it. So she started a syndicated newspaper article called Dear Schlabby.

She would direct all schlongs there for advice. She was really, really good at it, too. She saved many schlongs from beschlongings (sort of like a beheading but with a different organ). This was the first schlong to answer and start her adventure into tabloid stardom: Read more of this post

Rhyme and Reason of Divorce

I was talking to a friend the other day who is getting divorced after MANY years of marriage. So I found this old post of mine. This poem is for her and for all the women who have been wronged by the man they loved …

Wikimedia Commons – PD-US

Let us make a pact and call it quits

These last days of turmoil has sent me into fits

With screaming and crying and stomping my feet

It’s no wonder that I’ve stayed up nights without any sleep

While you map out a life exciting and new

I am burdened with the past and happy memories are few

BUT WHEN you made the mistake of straying from me

Your betrayal comes with a hefty fee Read more of this post

From Hell to Pleasure–A Poem

Oh no! Save me!

 

{Dear Friends … it’s been a while, so here’s a re-post of a poem in honor of Halloween}

 

Twas all Hallows Eve and all through the house

I heard creepy noises could it be a mouse?

I checked all the rooms and down through the hall

Then I heard it tap tapping right through the wall

My heart filled with fright and I ran to the door

Ready to scream then I tripped on the floor

I lifted my head and out came a creature

It looked like a monster from some sci-fi feature Read more of this post

Lies, lies, lies …

The best and the smartest have been victims of duplicity.

There are real good liars out there …

and there are some real good believers of lies.

It happens to the BEST and to the WORST of us.

Here are some example of how to detect when someone is “Pinocchionizing” you: Read more of this post

Rhyme and Reason of Divorce

Wikimedia Commons - PD-US

Let us make a pact and call it quits

These last days of turmoil has sent me into fits

With screaming and crying and stomping my feet

It’s no wonder that I’ve stayed up nights without any sleep

While you map out a life exciting and new

I am burdened with the past and happy memories are few

BUT WHEN you made the mistake of straying from me

Your betrayal comes with a hefty fee Read more of this post

Trash Talk in Relationships

The Courting Phase:

Setting: Her apartment.

Time: The first date.

Him: Wow. You look great.

Her: Thanks. Give me a sec. I just need to throw out the trash then we can go.

Him: I’ll do that.

Her: Really? Are you sure?

Him: I don’t mind.

Her: How sweet.

Him: Anytime.

The Relationship Phase: Read more of this post

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