Symptoms of Brain Damage

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There are various ways to sustain a brain damage. Hitting the skull on a hard surface is how most people do it. Some just drink and drug it up to oblivion causing their noodle to go stir crazy while others simply go bonkers for no reason at all. This last example is the most life threatening because there is nothing more dangerous than having a damaged brain and still think you’re working with a full deck.  If things seem a bit askew to you lately, then you might be one of those unfortunates.  So as part of my good deed for the week I would like to list the various symptoms one can experience when their noodle turns into scrambled eggs.

You’ve got a warped noodle when you start showing the following symptoms: 

Ego issues: Your alter ego becomes a primary maniac.

Forgetfulness: You start forgetting things you don’t want to remember such as Valentine’s Day, your marital status, your ex’s birthday and your dental appointment.

You have difficulty processing information: You have a hard time comprehending what the heck that used condom was doing in your boyfriend’s bathroom when you hadn’t had sex in a month.   Read more of this post

Confessions of a former snooper

When Pandora’s opened the jar, she unleashed all sorts of horror and evil on mankind. Have you ever been as curious as Pandora? Have you ever had that compunction to open a friend’s medicine chest? Have you ever found yourself alone in your boyfriend’s place rummaged through his drawers?  Have you ever been so curious that you invaded someone’s privacy? If curiosity killed the cat what did your curiosity do to you?

In my youth I was a snoop. Although, I likened myself to be more of an investigator of mysteries. When my parents thought I was tucked in and snoozing I was lurking and snooping. As a teen, I read a friend’s letter and found out that she was Read more of this post

Perks of Booze

There’s nothing wrong with an occasional cocktail… 

What's in a Woman's Mind

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© 2017 Lafemmeroar

How to Survive Blind Dates

You know friends are having a pity party for you when they start to set you up on blind dates. You can either say no and stay home or say yes and take a chance. I’ve had my share of blind date hell, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve given up on finding true love. In the meantime, here are some tips to keep in mind about blind dating.

Practice your poker face. Go in front of the mirror. Now imagine that your date looks like this guy. Now smile and say nice to meet you. Keep on practicing until your look of disgust transforms into a generic pleasantness. You’re in no position to judge him. Remember that looks are subjective. Another girl would probably think he’s a total hottie. Besides it’s not his fault he looks that way. What you should do is send your matchmaker friend an email virus for setting you up with a total “minzer.”

Carry a concealed weapon. You don’t know this guy. Crazies look and act normal on the outside, but they’re homicidal on the inside. You need protection just in case. Forget about pepper spray or taser guns. Looking for them inside your purse is like looking for your keys. And we all know what that’s like. You need to be a WELP (Woman with an Extremely Large Purse). Walloping your blind date with a purse full of books is a good way to defend yourself. The hardcover version of “Breakthrough” by Suzanne Summers combined with all the other thingamajigs you have in your purse can do some damage. But if you’re serious about self-protection then you’ll need a copy of the “Oxford English Dictionary.” He’ll be seeing stars when you whack him on the head with this lexicon. Tip: Aiming for the little head will have him talking like Mickey Mouse as he cowers away in pain.

Be cool. If your date turns out like this guy (fill in the blank face with your fantasy man), don’t get your panties in a bunch. There’s nothing worse than a woman with a constant I just hit the hunk lottery look on her face. Retain your composure even though your insides are turning cartwheels. He’s not yours–yet. Smile, be nice, and avoid talking about religion, politics and especially marriage. Let him do the talking (guys like that) and just nod your head (who cares if you disagree with him). There’s plenty of time to be yourself once you’ve hooked him.

 

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Twisted Crossed Words and Coined Phrases

What do you get when you cross a cat and a dog?

A catty bitch

What’s a crazy person who thinks they’re sane?

A logical loon

What do you do when you see a woman with PMS?

Hide

What do you call a bath in the land of King Midas?

Golden Showers

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Office Trash

mybacksideopendoorpolicy

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© 2014 Lafemmeroar

What men really mean

Ever wonder what men really mean?

Wonder no more. I’m here to give you the 101:

A man who criticizes the size of a woman’s ass is actually criticizing the shortcomings of his schlong.

A man who says “I can do better than you” is actually saying “I’m not good enough for you.”

When he says “I think we should see other people” what he means is that he wants to catch an STD, but he doesn’t want to give it to you.

When you see “your new guy” in an awkward moment and he shrugs you off by saying Read more of this post

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