Signs that you grew up in a dysfunctional home

Hello Dear Readers,

We’re all a little crazy because many of us grew up in less than stellar homes. So, I thought I’d make this list for you. If you answer yes to at least five things on this list, then you belong to that oh so special group of people who survived the hell that was their childhood.

  1. When you asked for permission, your father said “go ask your mother” and when you did she said “go ask your father.” And when you asked them together, they whacked you on the head for bothering them.

  2. Alcohol was a staple item at mealtimes like dinner rolls.

  3. Your parents spiked their coffee.

  4. Your parents spiked your milk bottle.

  5. You learned how to lie at a very young age–beats a beating!

  6. When other kids drew sunshine and flowers next to their parents, you drew skull and bones.

  7. You call your boyfriend “Big Daddy.”

  8. Your parents told you the world is shit and you took it literally until you realized it was a metaphor.

  9. You thought “boundaries” meant locking yourself in a room to fantasize about an “alternate reality.”

  10. You thought all mothers ran around the house screaming what her life would have been like if she never met your father.

  11. You thought “Bitch” meant “Mom.”

  12. And “Motherf&#*%#” meant “Dad.”

  13. Read more of this post

Holiday Gift Ideas: Taser Gun for Parents

Imagine a cherubic face smiling at you or little feet running on a meadow of flowers. They’re always clean, they’re always smiling and playing with such delight.That’s what you see on post cards. This is Fantasy Kid.

There’s another type of child. The kind that cries, the kind with dirty hands and mouth … the kind with wet and stinky tushies.

This kid has pirated the single and free lifestyle. They won’t eat when they should, they wake up when they shouldn’t, and they break things. They can be unruly especially in public places.  This is the Real Kid

Read more of this post

My Funny Insanity

Here are some previous posts you may have missed. Enjoy … 

Meditation schmeditation: I know a better way to relax: A very effective way to release the tension.

Questions I asked Mommy and Daddy: I asked lots of questions, but in retrospect I don’t think I ever got any straight answers.

The Horny Pooch and My Wardrobe Malfunction: This one you just have to read!

Translations at the Nail Salon: Sometimes it’s best not to know what other people are talking about.

Confessions of a former snooper: Have you ever snooped and wished that you hadn’t?

Don’t Flirt on my Time: This post depicts customer service at its worst.

Nominated for Best Humor Blog at Bloggers Choice Awards. Please vote :)

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© 2011 Lafemmeroar

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