Thoughts about the World from a Crazy Chick

Although I always say that laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it, I must admit that I just can’t laugh when my noodle twists and ponders about the mysteries of the world. That is until I was able to answer them with satisfaction:

Embarrassing Celebrity and Political News

Lafemmeroar here giving you the latest malfunctions of the universe for your entertainment:

The Battle of Two Chefs

Wikimedia Commons-- WNYC New York Public Radio. Cropped and edited by Daniel Case--cc-by-2.0

Food Network star and reigning queen of butter Paula Deen recently received news that she is being sued by Anthony Bourdain, the infamous host of “No Reservations” on the Travel Channel. Bourdain alleges that Deen purposely sat on his right hand and broke it in five places during a press junket for the “Food is Good” documentary. “I heard it crack once her ass sat on it. How am I going to sign autographs now? What’s worse is that I use my right hand to flip people off.” Bourdain said to reporters. “This is what eating excessive amounts of butter will do to you and those around you,” Bourdain states.

Deen’s sons rallied around their mama with the oldest Jaime saying that

How to Become a Human Lie Detector

After my last post about that M.I.L.K. I met at the grocery store, I started thinking that perhaps I’m not as astute in deciphering liars from those telling the truth. So I searched You Tube for videos that would enlighten me on how to spot a liar so I can become a human lie detector.

Part 1: Dr. Lillian Glass talks about the four aspects of body language.

Part 2: The mouth says it all.

Part 3: Learn how to sniff a liar by looking at their nose. Now I know why Pinocchio’s nose grew every time he fibbed.

The Mind Can be a Terrible Thing to Use

Humans are the most intelligent of all living beings. We invented the wheel, the printing press, the camera, the telephone, space travel, the internet and a multitude of other amazing feats that has elevated our world to where it is today (stop your eye rolling you cynical pessimists). But before us Homo sapiens get full of ourselves and our intelligence, please be reminded that we still have a long way to go. The mind is a highly fallible organ capable of malfunction when we least expect it. We’re still in the beta stage. You don’t believe me? Watch this:

Newt Gingrich Glittered by Gay Activist

I’m non-partisan. So, I apologize in advance to Newt Gingrich fans, but I couldn’t resist sharing this one … During a book signing organized by the Minnesota Family Council, ex-husband, adulterer, former Speaker of the United States House of Representatives and  2012 presidential candidate Newt Gingrich got glittered when Minnesota activist Nick Espinosa dumped two bags of the stuff on Gingrich’s head.

Infidelity and the Terminator

 

Men from the powerful and poor to the intelligent and idiotic cheat and get caught. News pundits have been “blabbering” (and now it’s my turn) about the S & S (Schwarzenegger and Shriver) split and eminent divorce. Perhaps some are even lamenting on the end of this seemingly successful marriage between a Republican and Democrat that lasted 25 years.

Boss From Hell and the Bobblehead

In today’s economy when jobs are as scarce as hair on a bald man’s head, it is of vital importance not to piss of your BFH (Boss From Hell). Now, one can objectively argue that an employee should speak his or her mind during a meeting when they think the boss is wrong or misguided because doing so promotes an open discussion in finding a workable solution to the problem at hand.

If one were working for a reasonable person devoid of vanity, insecurity, insanity and other negative “itys” the BFH might have, that claim would be true. But in my world where the “ity” filled BFH can evoke the powers of Satan against you, that is not the case. I’m being nebulous about the situation because I’m trying to protect the innocent (ME).

So, I kept quiet and nodded my head (like a bobblehead because that’s what BFH wanted) and after the meeting I spoke to the BFH in private and tried to loosely employ the Socratic method of discourse. I asked questions such as:

In proceeding with your ordered strategy, could we explore its implications to our existing clients?

Could we take another look at “the decision” (notice how I did not say the BFH’s decision because that can be construed as a direct attack) and see how we can tweak it to further maximize our benefits?

Could we explore other possibilities to make this more cost-effective? 

I said the above and more when what I really wanted to say was: “You made a crappy decision. You don’t know what the hell you’re doing. You should be cleaning offices instead of running it.”

BFH agreed to reconsider the matter. I don’t think BFH was angry. I didn’t see Satan lurking in the hallways. Hell, I hate office politics. Where’s my orgasmic food?

Bobbleheadingly yours,

Lafemmeroar