The True Meaning of Words in the Dictionary

Wikimedia Commons

I was at the used book store the other day when I came upon a book titled:

“The True Meaning of Words.”

People with corks up their butts have banned this book for decades, but I got my hands on it now and I’m sharing these super-fabulous words with you my dear readers. So here are some of my favorites:

Backbone: A schlong up the butt

Upbeat: A man who masturbates standing up

Brainchild: A 40-year-old man who acts like a kid

Creepologist: A professional creep

Male Enhancement: A man in touch with his feminine side! 

Tadpole: A little wee schlong

Technical Virgin: A chick who’s been poked on every orifice except “one“

Thoughts about the World from a Crazy Chick

Although I always say that laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it, I must admit that I just can’t laugh when my noodle twists and ponders about the mysteries of the world. That is until I was able to answer them with satisfaction:

Pop Culture and Celebrity Confusions

I need help understanding the following phenomena:

Showtime-www.sho.com

Big Brother After Dark: I regretted watching 15 minutes of this live video feed of a bunch of plotting housemates eating, talking and scratching their nether regions. Can anybody tell me why Showtime wants to stream this on their network?

The Kardashians: Why is the media so fascinated with a bunch of untalented albeit attractive “women” who date athletes? And now, they’ve got a clothing line at Sears.

I really need help on this one as I just want to gag myself with a ladle