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Lately I have been thinking that I’m a rather insensitive person. I laugh at the malfunction of the universe because it’s better than crying about it … I say it all the time because … frankly …
being sad sucks…
But I just realized that I haven’t really had a deep thoughtful cry in a very long time. And as “light” as I try to be on this blog, I must admit that my mind is a twisted knot of convolutions most of the time. So … I’ve been asking myself why I react and do certain things the way I do …
I’m a crazy chick when I’m at my best … but is that it? Is it enough to live life always looking at the bright side or the funny side of things? Love? Life? Loss? Relationships? I don’t know …
I know I’m being nebulous, but … I’m cryptic and private that way.
I’ve been so comfortable in not feeling sad that perhaps I’ve given up on true joy? I mean in the most deep soul-filling way …? I don’t know. I just keep telling myself that being sad sucks … and I haven’t been sad in a long time.
So I repeat … lately I’ve been feeling rather off balance as if I’m on the verge of … I don’t know what … maybe I don’t want to know. All I know is that struggling doesn’t make one strong … but it does make one understand better. I want to understand myself better … I want to understand people better … I want to understand you better … I want to be more emphatic … sensitive … and I think this requires a bit of letting oneself face the firing squad.
Here’s hoping that the firing squad are bad shots …
I think I need to feed my soul with writing instead of cocktails tonight …
Be well … my friends.
All my best,
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© 2013 Lafemmeroar
November 2, 2012 30 Comments