Disadvantage of a Hybrid Cougar

Cheap booze poured from the bar like a broken fire hydrant on a summer day. Music boomed and thirsty patrons in this local watering hole laughed, drank and devoured happy hour tid bits.  So, there I was sitting at the bar enjoying a few laughs with a couple of friends when I saw a vision. I couldn’t take my eyes off the womanwho came into the bar.

She looked like a cross between Angelyne (the Hollywood icon known for driving a Pink Cadillac)

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and Betty White.

Wikimedia Commons -- Betty White David Shankbone 2010 NYC

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Fantasy Guy versus Real Guy

  • Fantasy guy smells good.  Real guy farts out the chili he had for lunch.

  • Fantasy guy is well groomed. Real guy cuts his nails and lets the clippings drop to the floor.

  • Fantasy guy knows fine cuisine. Real guy puts the fries in his hamburger then dips the whole thing in bbq sauce.

  • Fantasy guy buys tampons for you. Real guy says “ARE YOU F#*+#&G CRAZY!!!!!” and tosses you a roll of toilet paper.

  • Fantasy guy buys you flowers. Real guy thinks flowers are a waste of money.

  • Fantasy guy gives you oral sex. Real guy says “I’ll do you if you do me first” then once he gets his happy ending he doesn’t bother to return the “favor.”

  • Fantasy guy is a billionaire. Real guy makes you pay for your dinner.

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Thinking about The Divinyls

I was standing in line at the post office and out of boredom I started singing this song:

The woman in front of me turned around with a disgusted look on her face.

So I smiled at her and said “I’m only singing about it, but I wish I were doing it.”

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© 2017 Lafemmeroar

I Touch Myself

Ever have an out-of-body experience when you feel the bliss of solitude in a room full of people?

I was standing in line at the post office and out of boredom I started singing this song. Read more of this post

The Blatant Truth

She might look calm, but think again!

What's in a Woman's Mind

Do you believe in equal rights for women? This one believes in “tit for tat.” Read more of this post

Fantasy Guy versus Real Guy

  • Fantasy guy smells good.  Real guy farts out the chili he had for lunch.

  • Fantasy guy is well groomed. Real guy cuts his nails and lets the clippings drop to the floor.

  • Fantasy guy knows fine cuisine. Real guy puts the fries in his hamburger then dips the whole thing in bbq sauce.

  • Fantasy guy buys tampons for you. Real guy says “ARE YOU F#*+#&G CRAZY!!!!!” and tosses you a roll of toilet paper.

  • Fantasy guy buys you flowers. Real guy thinks flowers are a waste of money.

  • Fantasy guy gives you oral sex. Real guy says “I’ll do you if you do me first” then once he gets his happy ending he doesn’t bother to return the “favor.”

  • Fantasy guy is a billionaire. Real guy makes you pay for your dinner.

  • Fantasy guy buys you lingerie at Victoria’s Secret. Real guy takes you to the 99 cent store.

  • Fantasy guy never looks at other women. Real guy has eye radar for any tit (real or fake) and ass (big or small) that passes by!

  • Fantasy guy loves your curves. Real guy wants an anorexic.

  • Fantasy guy watches Lifetime movies with you. Real guy watches ESPN 24/7.

  • Fantasy guy hates strip clubs. Real guy walks into a strip club and they all know him by name “Regular.”

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Join the Crazy Chicks Club

Join the Crazy Freaks Club

Join the B.A.D Club

© 2014 Lafemmeroar

Unintentional Sexual Thoughts

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I’m single and dateless, that also means I’m “sexless.” But that doesn’t mean I don’t think about it. In fact I think more about sex when I’m not getting it. I think about sex multiple times a day–hell multiple times an hour and sometimes multiple times a minute when I have my quickie thoughts.

I can be teary-eyed while cutting up an onion, but my mind will be engrossed with thoughts about scorching the sheets with some hot fantasy male. In fact I’m thinking about sex now. I think about sex so much that I’ve suffered many embarrassing  Read more of this post

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