Disadvantage of a Hybrid Cougar

Cheap booze poured from the bar like a broken fire hydrant on a summer day. Music boomed and thirsty patrons in this local watering hole laughed, drank and devoured happy hour tid bits.  So, there I was sitting at the bar enjoying a few laughs with a couple of friends when I saw a vision. I couldn’t take my eyes off the womanwho came into the bar.

She looked like a cross between Angelyne (the Hollywood icon known for driving a Pink Cadillac)

Wikimedia Commons

and Betty White.

Fantasy Guy versus Real Guy

• Fantasy guy smells good.  Real guy farts out the chili he had for lunch.

• Fantasy guy is well groomed. Real guy cuts his nails and lets the clippings drop to the floor.

• Fantasy guy knows fine cuisine. Real guy puts the fries in his hamburger then dips the whole thing in bbq sauce.

• Fantasy guy buys tampons for you. Real guy says “ARE YOU F#*+#&G CRAZY!!!!!” and tosses you a roll of toilet paper.

• Fantasy guy buys you flowers. Real guy thinks flowers are a waste of money.

• Fantasy guy gives you oral sex. Real guy says “I’ll do you if you do me first” then once he gets his happy ending he doesn’t bother to return the “favor.”

• Fantasy guy is a billionaire. Real guy makes you pay for your dinner.

Fantasy Guy versus Real Guy

• Fantasy guy smells good.  Real guy farts out the chili he had for lunch.

• Fantasy guy is well groomed. Real guy cuts his nails and lets the clippings drop to the floor.

• Fantasy guy knows fine cuisine. Real guy puts the fries in his hamburger then dips the whole thing in bbq sauce.

• Fantasy guy buys tampons for you. Real guy says “ARE YOU F#*+#&G CRAZY!!!!!” and tosses you a roll of toilet paper.

• Fantasy guy buys you flowers. Real guy thinks flowers are a waste of money.

• Fantasy guy gives you oral sex. Real guy says “I’ll do you if you do me first” then once he gets his happy ending he doesn’t bother to return the “favor.”

• Fantasy guy is a billionaire. Real guy makes you pay for your dinner.

• Fantasy guy buys you lingerie at Victoria’s Secret. Real guy takes you to the 99 cent store.

• Fantasy guy never looks at other women. Real guy has eye radar for any tit (real or fake) and ass (big or small) that passes by!

• Fantasy guy loves your curves. Real guy wants an anorexic.

• Fantasy guy watches Lifetime movies with you. Real guy watches ESPN 24/7.

• Fantasy guy hates strip clubs. Real guy walks into a strip club and they all know him by name “Regular.”

Get the CCC Badge

Join the Crazy Chicks Club

Join the Crazy Freaks Club

Join the B.A.D Club

© 2014 Lafemmeroar

The Art of Aging Gracefully

Rotting Aging isn’t a bad thing. There are perks in getting older such as wisdom, AARP membership and young folks believing what you say because they think you’ve been there and done that. Getting older isn’t a negative thing at all. So it’s important to age with grace. Here’s how:

The Man from Malutopia–A Story of Genital Proportions

In the world of Malutopia lived an alpha male named Zeuks Strong. From his swagger and his muscles to his talent in seduction, Zeuks represented all that is manly and good in Malutopia. Zeuks along with his fellows schlongers Dionassus, Pervinsky, and Dickends worked, played and lived up to the Malutopia philosophy: Spread your seed for your need to breed.

Revenge on a “Cheating Man”

Revenge can be HOT read on to find out!

Men love to objectify women and there is a “thing” called a real doll that men can have sex with if they have a couple of thousand bucks to throw down. She’s sexy. She’s beautiful. She never gets fat ’cause she can’t eat. She never talks back ’cause she can’t speak. She never complains, criticizes or judges ’cause she can’t think. She never threatens to leave ’cause she can’t walk. She can however, be positioned in anyway a SCHLONG would like ’cause she’s very dexterous and she won’t mind a threesome, a foursome or a gang bang.

Yes, she’s the perfect woman ’cause she’s made of plastic. But she can also do some “real damage” to a schlong. Imagine this:

Movie Remakes that Stunned Me–Warning:This post is not for the faint hearted …

Hollywood loves to do remakes. But should you really mess with a good thing? Well … you know Hollywood … anything for a buck. So I wasn’t surprised when I was cruising  my favorite low-down-n-dirty second hand bookstore and found these DVD titles gathering dust. So guess what I did? I bought them all!

What men really mean

Ever wonder what men really mean?

Wonder no more. I’m here to give you the 101:

A man who criticizes the size of a woman’s ass is actually criticizing the shortcomings of his schlong.

A man who says “I can do better than you” is actually saying “I’m not good enough for you.”

When he says “I think we should see other people” what he means is that he wants to catch an STD, but he doesn’t want to give it to you.

When you see “your new guy” in an awkward moment and he shrugs you off by saying

Is it the Man’s Fault?

Is it the man’s fault …

if he can’t keep his schlong in his pants?

if he says he’ll call and never does?

if he says he’s single, but he’s got the baggage of a wife and three kids?

if he’s broke ’cause he’s too lazy to work?

if he’s not ready for a commitment, but he’s committed to a

New Invention for Men and Their Schlongs

A product called Schlong Again aka “Penilitusmonami” is now rampant on the market without FDA approval! Invented by Dr. John Boy Penisless, Schlong Glue does as the name suggests … it glues back the schlongs of men whose tools of love have been “Lorena Bobbitted.”

Next time you see a new Schlong, check if it’s been previously dismembered by doing one of these 3 things: