Singledom
I debated in titling this page “Singledoom” as a tongue-in-cheek homage to some people I know who tend to say: “oh, but why haven’t you ever been married” or “don’t you want to get married” or “are you gay.” The answers are: haven’t met the right man; I don’t know; definitely not although being bi-sexual might increase my chances of finding my soul mate.
Being single isn’t about being alone. It’s about the journey in finding a companion that will enhance my existence. That journey can be treacherous, comical and sometimes dull. I do thank the tender mercies of past loves because had I pursued a life with any one of them, I wouldn’t be the optimistic woman I am today. (Of course that optimism is sometimes laced with a little sarcasm.) The world is round, but people tend to think “square.” I want out of the box.
“…the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance
I struggle daily to live up to this quote. What can I say … I’m a beautiful work in progress.
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Lafemmeroar 
Wow….now there is a statement…I am proud to read your words…at first you were an anomaly… and now I just gotta read you… inspired..that’s what I am… I will find my point with you….and then I shall write… just once…just for our thoughts… but first let me ramble through your words…your perspective… I’m just a man…but I love women…women like you who have a distinctive voice…someone that needs to be heard….
T.
That is such a compliment! But … what did you mean by anomaly? I know what the word means, but can you be more specific? Sometimes I think I’m an oxymoron :)). In terms of the distinctive voice perhaps I have it in the written word, but not always in my physical reality. In fact, I just posted on that subject.
Lafemme
Boy do you sound like me lol. But you are obviously stronger than I. I do agree, life alone is better than life with the wrong person, and I also agree that life alone is not choosing to be lonely. Like you, I love me. So I am okay being alone.
I am glad you have this site and I look forward to reading more about you.
Ahhh affirmation … you’ve made my day. It’s readers like you that keep me going and enjoying this blog. I wouldn’t say I’m stronger though. But it’s better to be alone than to be miserable with another. Thanks for reading and commenting …
I have been “single” for almost 2 years now. (I only talked to some guys which turned out to be nothing but a waste of time)
I am happy being single and am not thinking of getting into a relationship for a quiet a long time.
I love being free, and hang out freely. Do things my own way. Whenever i date someone,i get to lose them when it doesn’t work out and i really am tired of losing people. I guess for my type of a person, i should be friends with all till the right person comes to my life…
It’s good to embrace your own company and enjoy it. I really had to learn that in my 20s. Yes, just be patient. The right one is out there …
those who enjoy their own company, will never feel alone…. 🙂
You’re so right. I’ve learned to enjoy my own company and I’ve realized that I can make myself laugh like no other man has ever done. Of course, it’s usually at my own expense. So, it’s a good thing I don’t take myself seriously. Thanks for visiting and I hope you come back for more 🙂
First and foremost I’d like to thank you for visiting and commenting on my blog. I thought I’d reciprocate. Another thanks for not biting… too hard! (Considering some of the things I write have a tendency to strike nerves if they aren’t digested by the reader’s emotions with a grain of salt.)
I’ve written about it… being in a long-term relationship. My first love — probably the only girl I’ve ever truly loved, and I mean ‘loved’ by every absolute thing about her in the sense that I would have did anything for her — had an indelible effect on me that will last me forever. That relationship which lasted for a few years was an extremely helpful learning experience, which was also the most painful learning experience (at the time).
Looking back, the relationship was one big blur. I remember it, but there are a lot of things I don’t want to remember. I learned a lot about myself. After the relationship ended and after the pain naturally mitigated, I forced myself to get out and meet a plethora of girls. I’ve been in relationships, I’ve felt emotions, but I remember something that I constantly tell my friends. This goes for males AND females:
Please don’t agonize over trying to find Mrs./Mr. Right. It’s a hyperbole. Actually, I’m writing this for anybody who happens to scroll down the page. There are billions of people in this world… so many people are whom you can make special connections with. We as human beings are ever-changing, each and every day. We learn new things, hope to improve ourselves, we age. Change is natural, so it’s only a stress reliever to embrace it.
I truly don’t mean to sound bitter or callous. When I met ‘her’, I thought she was the one, but I was young(er) and naive. I’m not bitter about that special relationship and I certainly do NOT regret it. I’d do it all over again. I’ve been in other 1+ year relationships since her, and yet despite feeling strong emotions toward other girls, I never felt the same way as I did for her, hence the ‘first love’ label. It was a learning experience.
No one here gets out alive, and you only live once, so I see no problem with going out, having fun, taking the edge off, laughing, smiling and enjoying life.
Didn’t mean to send such a long comment. As you can tell, I’m long-winded. Have a good one! I’ll be coming back for more.
You loved fully and felt the pain and loss, but you’ll love again. Life is a state of constant flux. I don’t mind long comments and yours is a very honest and thoughtful one. I don’t bite, but I’ve been known to “roar” on occasion. I’m glad I found your blog and I’m glad you like mine. I love my male readers 🙂
Nice to know so many others are on the same page – I agree that valuing solitude and ‘singledom’ is a daily choice – definitely a work in progress for me also! There are times when it doesn’t feel much like a choice and then there are the moments when that freedom is the sweetest thing in my day. Keep up the great writing 🙂
It is true that being single has its good and not so great moments, but I suppose that’s the flux of life. Thanks for commenting. It’s always good to meet a kindred soul. 🙂
I love this. It’s all about the journey. And if someone can’t have fun and find the beauty in life when they’re single, they’re not going to magically find it because someone with cool body parts comes into the pictures. Oh, and Ralph Waldo Emerson is one of my loves.
Thank you. Glad to find a kindred spirit.
When you find this amazing guy, could you please ensure he has a single brother and then pass him my way? Much appreciated. 😉
I will so long as it’s not a twin brother ’cause if that’s the case I just might get a two-fer 🙂
Wow! This is amazing! I have people ask me similar questions all the time.
I hear you. We get it asked so much that sometimes I feel like playing a recording of the questions …
I too am a woman like you who embraces her true self as a powerful woman. You know our cultural norms of becoming the victim and taking the abuse have died a long time ago. Yet our society still gives off inadvertent clues to how we should bow to a man and stay in the kitchen where we belong. In reality many woman do fall for those men that degrade them because they are too afraid to be alone. I say be the lioness you are designed to be, strong, independent, and fierce and embrace your true nature! I love your attitude and more women, should wait for love just as you are. Women have unfortunately made it ok for men to degrade us in the past and then those self esteem stricken women raised our now lazy and lustful males. Such a viscous cycle. Now we have to take a stand and not give into the hot guys with their pants falling down to their knees and start joining ranks to raise the bar. Men will have to work harder in the future if they want a real woman. Amen sister. 🙂
Wow! Thank you Amie. I really need to live up to your comment. Yes, I’ve waited for love and while I’m a serial monogamist with failed relationships, I’m glad that I’m in good terms with my exes. I’m in no rush to have a drink or coffee with them, but there is a friendly communication there. I think that when women get older, we understand what we want and we compromise less. \The good thing about maturity is the wisdom that comes with it. I’m not perfect, but I would never be a victim to a man. Although I victimize lots of “hypothetical dudes” in my posts … it’s all in good fun thought for the sake of chuckles. 🙂 We need to own our power … I’m not afraid to be alone. It’s worse to be lonely and that I am not.
I hear ya! I have a boyfriend of 6 years and EVERYONE says, “When you two getten married.”
I just want to SLAP THEM…
cultural norms! NO WAY.
Things in the 2011 century sure have changed and people need to get off our back! I was also a single mom for 11 years, and raising my child…and all I got was, Why don’t you have a boyfriend! Heck, I worked 3 jobs!! Where on earth was there time???
So many years later I am 44 daughter is 17…we survived and I got a man later in life, why ruin a good thing by getting MARRIED 🙂
Hi Jackie. I’m so glad you found my blog 🙂 I think a lot of people have certain expectations of others because it is what “society expects” — but as you said cultural norms does not mean the “norm” for me or you. It’s whatever works 🙂 You are an awesome crazy chick. Keep on doing things your way …
My partner and I chose marriage over living together and don’t think of our situation as stifiling for either of us. Why do the traditional thing? because frankly I see living together as having one foot in and the other out while the state of marriage feels like two feet in. Make sense? As for ruining a relationship by getting married…hummm…..nope. We check in often, allow each other room to spread our wings, and explore our sexuality together….it’s all good! 🙂
Hey Karen. I’m so glad that marriage works for you. I attended a New Year’s bash where I saw two old friends (28 years). They met in high school and now their kids are in college. They’ve had some rocky roads, but they’re together and I think happier than they’ve ever been. When I asked him about it he said lots and lots of good sex. Awwwww I said … and his wife is still beautiful as if she hadn’t aged a day. It can work …!
Stay strong and never settle. I didn’t marry till last year. That is an approximation of:
1836375303 Dates
250ish Boyfriends, Playmates, OR People that grabbed my attention for more than a month
4 different school institutions
10 different career changes
and 3 darling little boys of my own
My Mimi said my standards were too high. I told her to lay off the tonic water. Then my husband came along. Her and many others of constant critique suddenly “Got It.” And many are jealous.
I love how open you are with your thoughts on everything including sexuality. You will truly find what you want, even if by accident, because you seem to know yourself so well! That is like finding a diamond in the rough these days! Glad you found me, so I could fine you 😀
Thank you future 🙂 I won’t settle. I’m a patient chick … thanks for your words of encouragement. As I said, I do struggle with all this everyday, but I know that patience is a virtue when it comes to being with the right “one.” 🙂
All the strong couples that I know and whose relationships I admire are comprised of “two” strong singles where each makes room in their life to share their strengths. When I see them together in the kitchen preparing a meal just for themselves or for guests it is like watching a divine Tango. We know it takes two to do this but each has a role to fulfill alone. You must be a practiced single first. Good call.
Hi Millo 🙂 Thanks for visiting my blog and yes, I am a practiced single … too much practice in fact, but that’s not a complaint … just a testament of my expertise 🙂
I just reminded myself of why I loved your posts so much. Hadn’t posted on my own site or read any posts on other sites for ages.
No I just spent the last two hours catching up.
I have missed this!
Hi Nina!
Welcome back. My posts haven’t changed that much … still the same craziness. I’m glad you came for a visit and your comment has made my Sunday! You are always welcome here.
Best to you,
Lafemme
I’ve been single over 8 years and I agree, it isn’t always about being alone, though it can sometimes be lonely.
True … loneliness sucks … but the sucking is temporary. Being single is better than being with the source of one’s misery. Happy singledom crazy chick! 🙂
5 year relationship just ended. Looks like I found you just in time.
Hi IMsupersaiyan … believe me when I tell you that it does get better and you will discover that loving yourself is the best thing for your mental health….now if you happen to find someone along the way .. well that’s a BONUS! ENJOY your Singledom! 🙂
you are my favorite person.
Oh thank you! 🙂 I’m glad somebody in blogland likes mw!!!!!!!
I’ve been single for over 3 years & have 0 desire to begin the whole friggin courtship thing-over again.
Sometimes I wonder if its the result of my last relationship with a narcissist who definitely played me like I’ve never been played before…well, honestly, truth be told I did[intellectually] see that something was really “off” but didn’t want to acknowledge it:{.
However, in the past 3 year time period of being “single”; an odd thought occurred to me as I have had a taste of The Real Personal Freedom without having to answer to AnyOne for the first time in my life. I can eat supper at 3AM & work all night if I am so inspired. In the past as an artist, I have never had this freedom in the role of being a single parent or participant in a relationship, always I was responsible for the taking care of the needs of “others”. None of the “Others” ever once asked me, what my own needs were; it seemed to be assumed that my own needs were met in being there to fulfill their needs? Go figure…lol!
In conclusion, something, once seen can never be unseen; I don’t think I can give-up this new found freedom again & define my schedule to suit someone else’s agenda. I paid some heavy dues; I deserve this…thing defines as FREEDOM:}
Many of my friends are enjoying their “Real Personal Freedom.” They say that they are closer to themselves “now” than ever and they love it. Thank you for being so generous with your thoughts. Your comment has enriched my blog because I’ve always aimed to reach women who have undergone changes in their life and discovered their own “awesomeness.”