Protest Letter from a Blog Reader

I got this email from a reader and I thought I’d share it with you:

Dear Lafemmeroar,

I’ve been perusing your blog and noticed your posts about schlongs. You seem obsessed with this body part. Are you just angry at the schlong population in general or do you have penis envy? What’s all this whacking of schlongs in some of your poems? And what’s up with your recipes anyway? You’re not a cook. I haven’t seen one single recipe in your site that one can actually eat unless they’re cannibals. Imagine the consequences if the wrong person read your recipe on “How to Make a Human Burrito.” And for the record my ex-girlfriend read your Detox Recipe and now I’m homeless. In fact I had to sweet talk a chick into borrowing her laptop so I can write you this email. Despite your disclaimers “some people” actually believe what you write to be true and they actually do it. This is a plea to ease on the schlong posts. We’re not that bad.

Sincerely,

Richard Head

My Response:

Dear Dick Head Richard,

I don’t have anything against schlongs. In fact some of my favorite people have schlongs. Just check out my B.A.D. Club and you’ll see that these dudes are totally awesome, smart and funny. I do not have penis envy–the last thing I want to be is a schlong. I love men and I’ve even written Santa to send me one for Christmas.

My disclaimers are air tight and legally proofed by my attorney–who is a schlong BTW.

I’m sorry that your ex kicked you to the curb. I hope you have some place warm to stay since tis the season of rain and snow. I do have to commend you on your ingenuity for sweet talking a chick out of her laptop. Do you still have it?

To make amends on your homeless situation I would like to offer you accommodations at my humble abode where it’s warm, fresh bread is baked daily (I’m a baker) and you’re guaranteed three square meals a day. If you’re interested my address is:

666 Sweetheart Lane, Apt. #69

Purgatoryville, CA

Truly Yours,

Lafemmeroar

His Response:

Dear Lafemmeroar,

I knew that you were a reasonable girl. And I do still have the lap top because I’ve borrowed it indefinitely so I can check my porn email. I’ve been staying with a female friend and she got angry when she saw me banging her sister on the couch. So I gladly accept your invitation.

I’ve map quested your address and if I steal her car I should be there by tomorrow. And tell Santa that you won’t need that man for Christmas ’cause I’m on my way to you baby.

See you soon,

Richard Head

My Response:

Dear Richard,

I can’t wait to see you. And to show you that I’ve seen the error of my ways, I will ease up on the schlong posts. My next post will be dedicated to you. But I’ll need your help in writing it. So hurry up and steal that car so you can get here as fast as you can. 

Sincerely,

Lafemmeroar

(Note to readers: Stay tuned for my next post: Schlong Sausage Recipe)

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Join the Crazy Chicks Club.

© 2011 Lafemmeroar

About Lafemmeroar
Writer, blogger, humorist. Visit my blog to know more :)) Laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it.

79 Responses to Protest Letter from a Blog Reader

  1. Becoming Bitter says:

    L.M.A.O.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      He won’t be once he gets here … 🙂 I just love me some spicy schlong 🙂

      • Becoming Bitter says:

        You are crazy my PhD-in-Schlongs friend. My kind of crazy. I like it.

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          You’re a crazy chick: check out the club https://lafemmeroar.wordpress.com/crazy-chicks-club-ccc/ you’ll fit right in 🙂

  2. Lafemmeroar says:

    Thanks Amor 🙂

  3. Zoe @ Pantry and Fridge says:

    😉 Funny

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks Zoe 🙂

  4. Amor24 says:

    Ha ha ha. Thank you Dick Head Richard for leading me to the post Recipes for a better Life, it was too funny. Luckily my Mrs doesn’t need a shot of that. whew!

    Ntn but love Lafemme!

  5. Bodhirose says:

    Haha! Mr. Head doesn’t know what’s up for him when he gets to your abode…shhhh…. 😉

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lol he’ll be the 3-course meal on later posts. bwahahahaha ….

  6. Hahahahah, fucking hilarious! Thanks for the laugh my friend, look forward to more 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks princess … 🙂

  7. jules says:

    hahaha! That is just so funny! I just hope he avoids the schlongs!!!

    jules
    http://andsuddenlyisee.wordpress.com

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      He’s a comin’ to me and will be a sausage soon … anyone hungry? But let’s not forget the awesome dudes who read and subscribe to my blog and of course the dudes in the B.A.D. Club. They are gems!

  8. kdaddy23 says:

    That’s some funny shit… but scary all at the same time. I used to get emails from people who read some erotica I wrote who believed what I wrote was for real. It made me realize to (1) make sure my disclaimers were in order and in clear enough language that anyone can understand and (2) people will believe some of the weirdest things. In those emails, I was threatened, admonished and one declared that I was a soulless heathen and that I should repent and confess my sins to Jesus and God… then present myself to receive 100 lashes.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oooh goodness Kdaddy … there are some people out there who need to pull the cork out of their tushes 🙂 Some of the stuff you write is pretty hot … and I bet some of these peeps are into BDSM only they don’t know it yet.

      • Damn! I thought i was the only one reading KDADDY. Shit gotta go!

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          Oh I read his blog and I need t comment on the latest posts I’ve read. He has some ruffle your feathers posts 🙂

    • hollyjb says:

      @kadaddy23

      The people who said you should repent sound like hypocrites, lol. If they’re that righteous why were they reading erotica in the first place? 😛 People can be so gullible.

      • kdaddy23 says:

        Yeah, Hollyb, that’s what I thought, too; what made you read it so that it would make you react in this fashion? I’m not sure that it’s gullibility; hypocrisy, yes – let he who is without sin cast the first stone and all that. But, trying to be realistic about it, yeah, I know I can write someone and it might have that effect on them. While my intent in writing is not to offend, well, it happens and I just have to accept this… as well as maintaining an awareness about it. If I have an intent in my writing, it’s threefold; one, to make you think about shit; two, to reach in your underwear and masturbate until you pass out; three, to entertain.

        And if a reader doesn’t understand this, well, that’s not really my problem, is it?

        • hollyjb says:

          Well, I guess it’s a good thing no one is completely without sin otherwise the rest of us would be pretty sore…

          People have to take fiction as it is; fiction. They want fact go read…well, something that’s ‘non-fiction’, although how much fact is in it can remain a mystery. And someone somewhere is going to find something offensive no matter who wrote it, who it’s aimed at, or what the subject matter is. That’s a fact you can take to the bank!

          And you’re right, it’s NOT you problem. 😀

  9. Pingback: Believability « Kdaddy23's Blog

  10. mysterycoach says:

    ROFL! 🙂 Woman you are funny…

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Glad you think so Mysterycoach 🙂

      • mysterycoach says:

        You really gave this guy your address? I’m sorry,. LOL I had a long day yesterday and I can’t tell if you’re kidding or serious. 🙂 You’re so good at making things up!

        • Lafemmeroar says:

          lol I live in Chickville not Purgatoryville 🙂

          • mysterycoach says:

            🙂 LOL

  11. magsx2 says:

    Hi,
    It just goes to show there are some strange people out there.
    I loved the post by the way. 😆

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Aw thank you Mags … 🙂

  12. Pete Howorth says:

    You certainly wouldn’t envy my schlong. :/

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I need to see it first Pete … 😛

  13. tamariez says:

    bahaha that’s hilarious!!

  14. Cinnamon says:

    Just remember….in order to make sausage, you gotta “grind some meat” !!! I can hardly wait for the recipe.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      He’s not here yet, but I’ll make sure and share! 🙂

  15. PD Williams says:

    ROFLMFAO!!! I LOVED this!!!!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thanks PD!

  16. jsh0608 says:

    LMFAO!!!! <—that is all i can do, typing is hard from LMFAO!!! hehehe :0)

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Glad to give you your chucks JSH … 🙂

  17. I watched the schlong thing when the Winter Olympics was on. It looks very dangerous.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Not as dangerous as the way I schlong em along Carl … 🙂

  18. Phil says:

    Schlong. It’s what’s for dinner. Sounds like a good follow-up on the American Beef Council ads you see on TV.

    Now you’ll pardon me while I wince a little, and adjust my pants. Whew! Still there…

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      American Beef Council huh? The ABCs of Schlonging …

  19. veehcirra says:

    Girl you are something else 😉

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      But what kind of something else? 🙂

  20. kvennarad says:

    I think I have just fallen in love.

    M

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      🙂

  21. kvennarad says:

    … oh, and if you like humour, try my series ‘Diary of a glass-half-empty person’. Here’s No.32 http://mairibheag.blogspot.com/2011/08/diary-of-glass-half-empty-person-32.html – you should be able to find No.1 somewhere. 🙂

    M

  22. veehcirra says:

    Taking entertaining “reads” to a whole new level, I think you are very hilarious!!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thank you Vee. Your comment made my night 🙂

  23. Xehraaa says:

    Hahhahahhahahahhahahahahahah! You’re not lafemmeroar, You’re LAFEMME FATALE!!!!

    I read the title and pictured a puppy dog face schlong complaining to you, my heart went out to it. Whoops, sorry. 😛 😉

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Hey he’s a bad schlong! Ooops gotta go, he just drove up thinking he’ll get 3square meals, when he will be the meal!!!!! bwahahahahaha 🙂

  24. Sabina Brave says:

    You have great sense of humour, and “light pen”. I’m always enjoying reading your posts. And I’m thankful Mysterycoach, that one day she sent me link to your blog 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Aw and I’m very thankful that mystery is the awesome chick that she is! And thank you for visiting me and liking what I have in this crazy little blog. You know something? Sometimes I want to turn my “light pen” into a light saber … of course that depends on how the writing is going that day. 🙂

  25. mooselicker says:

    Your schlong posts are the best. They’re what keep me breathing.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh as much as I try to “curb my enthusiasm” for schlongs I just love em soooo much! I’m glad you like them. 🙂

  26. Patti Kuche says:

    I guess that’s your w/end taken care of! (And his . . .) Thanks for the laughs – Again!!!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Hi Patti,

      Yup my weekend is gonna schlong filled. 🙂

  27. Aurora, HSP says:

    Killing me here, love the way you roar, honestly stand up comedy has to be your next stop LOL

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh I”m too shy for stand up 😛

  28. renxkyoko says:

    ( laughing my butt off ) The best, so far, Lafemmeroar ! ! Whooo !

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      thanks Ren … I’ll try to keep it up.

  29. alanschuyler says:

    I guess the therapy isn’t working… or maybe it is.
    I was worrying about some of the directions my mind and imagination takes me at times. Then I read a few of your posts and feel… well, just mentally healthy by comparison. Keep up the great work.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh that is such a great compliment alan! I will try and keep up the craziness and of course anyone in comparison to me will always look mentally healthy 🙂

  30. OMG …. OMG … OMG …have you put on your leather outfit, fish nets, knee high boots and taken out your whip.
    This one need a good whipping. He’s been a Baaaad Boy …!!!!
    Hahahhhaaa …
    Isadora

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      I have some leather and whips from my Laffemeroarism posts 🙂 Oh he got more than a whipping 😛

  31. sami116 says:

    Twitter-ed 😀

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thank you sami 🙂

  32. Ugly Shoelace says:

    Hahah! He is insecure about his schlong :O

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      He no longer needs to … as he doesn’t have it anymore 🙂

  33. I find it ironic that, at the time I am posting this, your response count on this post is 69!

    Very funny stuff. 🙂

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      lmao …. Lorna. You are a very observant Crazy Chick 🙂

  34. SilentMyth says:

    You are one witty and hilarious chick.

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thank you 🙂

  35. Phil's Lounge says:

    He sounds like he needs Lafem to give him some lessons on proper behaviour…lol! 😉

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Oh he got his “lessons” all right. I took real good care of him. loll 🙂

  36. La Femme, you are the queen. Loved this exchange, and loved the fact that this person wrote in at all! Brilliant, baby! I voted, too! Amy (CCC)
    http://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/11/06/pastor-hellevangelist/

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      Thank you Amy! You’re the best. 🙂

  37. Team Oyeniyi says:

    You know, I once worked with a guy called Richard Cranium. I’m deadly serious. I can’t imagine (well, I can, that’s the problem) what the kids at school did to him.

    VERY FUNNY post!!!

    • Lafemmeroar says:

      On Oyeniyi … I can just imagine the torture his name gave him. But reality is stranger than fiction 🙂

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